"Love, Josef. Not mere loyalty; I felt that toward King Darius. Duty would have compelled me to bestow upon him the same sacrifice, but for Alexander I acted out of love."
Obvious perhaps though the distinction may be, it is one he feels needs be made. The compliment gives him pause, as do Josef's earnest declarations: Bagoas meets his gaze levelly, calm though fatigued. So young indeed, this Josef Kostan: how sheltered a life he must have lead.
There's no condescension to Bagoas' musings, merely silent contemplation of how different their times must have been.
And oh, where to begin addressing all these trains of spoken thought?
"By 'sexier', I take you to mean 'more desirable', yes?" He gives Josef an amiably enigmatic smile. "And by physical changes, you mean of course the gelding. It is a horrid affair, which discussion is better left for a different time and place. But, I shall put it to you thusly:
"I have lived and died enough times that I feel as old as the stars, when the mood takes me. First when I was ten years old; I spent a full year more dead than living when twelve going on thirteen. It may sound preposterous to one such as yourself, but I lost count that year. One death, or a hundred deaths every quarter-month: I either lost count or my mind. Those lifetimes matter little to me now. What matters most to me is what I consider my last.
"King Darius, Alexander...and Taxon. Coming into King Darius' good graces was more a stepping stone than a life well lived. He was kind to me, generous once he recognized me as the boy whose father he once knew. My time in his Household lead me to Alexander, whom I would gladly have died for. And now I am here. Alive and relatively unmarred, the contented recipient of much praise."
He holds out his hand for the sponge, and the other offering Josef the bottle. "In short: I have not considered myself a man for far longer than you would like to imagine."
[Bagoas' (new) place]
Obvious perhaps though the distinction may be, it is one he feels needs be made. The compliment gives him pause, as do Josef's earnest declarations: Bagoas meets his gaze levelly, calm though fatigued. So young indeed, this Josef Kostan: how sheltered a life he must have lead.
There's no condescension to Bagoas' musings, merely silent contemplation of how different their times must have been.
And oh, where to begin addressing all these trains of spoken thought?
"By 'sexier', I take you to mean 'more desirable', yes?" He gives Josef an amiably enigmatic smile. "And by physical changes, you mean of course the gelding. It is a horrid affair, which discussion is better left for a different time and place. But, I shall put it to you thusly:
"I have lived and died enough times that I feel as old as the stars, when the mood takes me. First when I was ten years old; I spent a full year more dead than living when twelve going on thirteen. It may sound preposterous to one such as yourself, but I lost count that year. One death, or a hundred deaths every quarter-month: I either lost count or my mind. Those lifetimes matter little to me now. What matters most to me is what I consider my last.
"King Darius, Alexander...and Taxon. Coming into King Darius' good graces was more a stepping stone than a life well lived. He was kind to me, generous once he recognized me as the boy whose father he once knew. My time in his Household lead me to Alexander, whom I would gladly have died for. And now I am here. Alive and relatively unmarred, the contented recipient of much praise."
He holds out his hand for the sponge, and the other offering Josef the bottle. "In short: I have not considered myself a man for far longer than you would like to imagine."