taxonomites | 011: [location: summers' residence] & [visual]

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011: [location: summers' residence] & [visual]

Xander is currently chilling on the couch in Buffy's house, watching the TV. Whilst this might appear to be a lazy and not even vaguely worthwhile activity, he's about to redeem himself with some dubiously scientific observations-- once he realizes he's accidentally left his tablet on transmit-mode.

...this realization is accompanied by a guilty looking improvement in his posture and some throat-clearing.

"So, uh- does anybody know if there's a way to get the TV here to show anything other than re-runs of Friends and The Ghost Whisperer? I mean not that I'm not intensely into the whole Ross/Rachel will-they-won't-they arc, and hey, I could happily watch Jennifer Love Hewitt all day long, but still."

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"Sure. Hatch a DVD season of whatever you do want to watch."

"Well sure I could do that, but that would make sense."

...because the laws of science dictate that solutions should always be long, convoluted and confusing, of course.

"And when has sense ever done you wrong, my friend?"

"Well, sense bullied me aggressively all the way through high school. Used to stick gum in my hair, then take my lunch money. We still have grievances."

"Okay, yeah, I could see that." Topher chuckled. "If you still have a problem, I could probably put a word in for you. Sense and I have always been pretty tight."

"Is that so?" Oh dear, once you get Xander onto a theme, he'll run with it.

"Are you also down with his buddies, Logic and Reason?"

"Yeah, the four of us hang out a lot. And they usually stop by my office pretty regularly."

Xander nods, as if absorbing this in a serious manner.

"Could you maybe ask them why they couldn't ever help a guy out in algebra exams?"

"Algebra? Really? They just can't be bothered, not when there are so many deserving calculus students out there."

"Calculus is not math, okay." He retorts, amused. "It's an ancient Medieval torture method devised by the Greeks to suck all the joy out of the unlucky victim."

"Hey, hey, don't blame just the Greeks. The Chinese, Arabs, Persian - heck, even the Indians had a hand in it."

"Oh, I am more than ready and willing to blame all the great ancient civilizations for that stuff. Fie, a retro-pox upon them, etc."

"But if your retro-pox works, they might not discover some of the other things, and then we'd all have you to blame. Unless time isn't linear, in which case it's probably already happened, and congratulations, you caused the black plague."

This is Dawn, not bothering to respond via tablet and just raising her voice to respond:

"We were on a break!"

...And then go back to whatever culinary horrors she's committing today.

Well, this is Xander laughing, then raising his voice equally to reply:

"See, this is why you're my favorite."

He'll get up in a minute, he swears.

Yelling back: "I thought that was my Cullen-y sparkling good looks and rapier-like wit."

No need to move, Xander! After another moment or two, here comes Dawn, obscenely large bowl of popcorn in one hand and a soda in the other. There could be crumbled up Oreos on top of the popcorn. Don't judge her.

She plops down on the couch next to him, and reaches into the pocket of... Xander's sweatshirt, actually (Dawnie, klepto-chic is so season six) to pull out another soda. "You want?"

"Oh, those too, obviously-- I just thought they were like... a given."

How convenient! Xander does indeed notice that Dawn is wearing his sweatshirt, but won't complain because he's used to these sort of shenanigans. He'll probably find it a week later in a really improbable location. "...and you come bearing sweet, carbonated nectar too. My humble thanks."

Here's an obligatory raised eyebrow at the popcorn/Oreo combination, as he takes the soda. "What is that, like a... world record attempt at the most sugar you can fit into a hollow receptacle?"

He's not judging! Just stating.

"Good answer, Xander. Also, you're welcome."

Dawn pulls her knees up to her chest and balances the bowl on top of them, and stares down at her popcorn fondly. "It has frosting, too. I call it The Kettle Cookie Special. I think it might actually send me into a diabetic coma!" That was... an oddly cheery delivery.

This might actually call for some judging, not going to front.

"You know that I can't let you eat all that by yourself, right?" Judge not lest ye be judged. Also, it looks... oddly appealing in a disgusting sort of way. Xander gives Dawn the serious 'trust me, I'm a doctor' look.

"I mean, if you went into shock from ODing on glucose, I'd get all kinds of crap from Buffy. Plus your Cullen-y good looks and rapier-like wit would be lost to the world, and I firmly believe that it's my mission to stop tragedy like that. With great power comes great responsibility."

Dawn gives Xander a disappointed look. "I fully intended to share." Also, it looks totally appealing, come on. Kettlecorn, frosting, Oreos... oooh, next time M&Ms, too.

"We can't have that." She holds out the bowl with a mock serious look. "Here, save me from myself and eat some."

"Oh I know you did, but it's not as much fun if I don't get to do my whole skilful persuasion routine first. It's all about tasks and rewards." And bullshit too, can't forget that. In the meantime he's so reaching over to grab a handful. "It's for the best."

Okay, now there's some thoughtful chewing before he announces his verdict. "Surprisingly edible."

"How could I have forgotten. I bow to your superior persuasion skills, and will go forth and question them no longer. Do you think we should have ice cream, too?" Dawn, stop trying to go into a diabetic coma just because Xander can always be counted on to join the fun.

She grins happily and steals a handful for herself. "I know, right? It's the perfect disgustingly awesome food."

"And at this juncture I believe a hearty 'mwuhahaha' is in order." He grins, steepling his fingers Mr. Burns-style for effect. Good lord, how dorky. Too much time spent with Andrew in recent months, evidently. "I don't know, I think ice cream might be bordering on excessive-- though I admire your valor."

He will show his appreciation by eating more of the stuff, clearly, then swallow in order to ask: "So what's shaking, Dawn? Other than presumably us, after consuming this."

...because he hasn't had a Dawn-Update for a while.

"I would accompany it with some pointed eyebrow raising, maybe a cryptic 'and so it begins'. For effect, and also so I can point and laugh." It's okay, Xander. Dawn appreciates the dork, fully. "Excessive is my middle name. Dawn Excessive Summers."

Nomming along companionably, Dawn shrugs. "Met some smarmy vampire, nearly accepted a job from said smarmy vampire, got scolded by Buffy and now will be perpetually employ-less again. Also, I made some really cool Louboutins the other day that we need to have a party so I can wear, ever."

"God, Xander," Cordelia tells him, with a rolling of the eyes. "Get an 'I'm such a dork' tattoo on your forehead, why don't you? I think it's more subtle that way."

Still a bit on the extremely happy side with Wesley's sudden appearance in Taxon, she can't help but share her happiness with everyone - which, unfortunately for Xander, includes much trolling of him. Besides, it's like a universal unwritten law: broadcast and thou shalt be bugged.

Well to be fair, Xander didn't know he was broadcasting, but it's far too late now, of course. He rolls his eye (singular) in her general direction, glancing down at the tablet.

"I'd like to point out that despite my tattoo-worthy dorkiness, you still have nothing better to do than talk to me, Cordelia."

Crap. Unworthy points for that, Xander Harris.

But will she ever admit to that? Oh hell no.

"Which is a testament to just how bored I am, don't you think?"

Awwwwww yissssss. Xander: 1 Cordelia: 0.

"Well if you're so bored, why don't you come over here and insult me to my face, like a real man?"

Why yes, he's going for a bonus point there.

...a rematch! There has to be a rematch!

"Pft, why bother? I can insult you just fine from where I'm standing." Wait for it. Wait for it...

"Besides, I don't think I'm up for the idea of you braiding my hair or doing my nails at this so fine an hour."

Pfft, if there's a rematch, Xander will just bring out his A-grade material- which Cordelia is just about to sample now, as a matter of fact.

"Please, you'd have to pay me good green money to do your hair and/or nails. Toxic waste removal is a deceptively expensive process."

Oh no. You did not just insult her hygiene, Xander. Oh, the retaliation! The retribution! The synonyms!

"I guess you'd know something about toxic waste removal, seeing as you have to do it in the shower every day of your mondo-loser life. You're not exactly the poster child for hygiene, Harris - even when you had both eyes."

Well there's only one way to get her back for such a cutting array of insults- and that's to remind her that she dated him.

"And yet, none of this seemed to bother you when were making time in the broom closet, did it, Chase?"

Oh that's such a low blow.

"Well, I was young. And a bit on the 'stupid' phase of my life, I must admit. Good thing we all grew up, huh?"

Pffft, he could go much lower! Still, okay, so this is supposed to be a bitching match, but Xander's definitely smiling a little. Is it wrong that he enjoys this?

"Oh, that was a phase? And here I thought it was just your default state. Clearly I was confused."

Only on so many levels, which may include the risk of getting accidentally slapped or, say, beheaded for insulting her intelligence. Irony, pft. What irony?

"Which is, what, your default phase?" She shrugs. "What can I say? My time in L.A did wonders for me - probably because it was so far away from you."

Well, to be fair, he doesn't mean all these things, it's just that she makes it so entertaining. Slapping would of course be understandable however, as would beheading. Luckily this is all on the tablets though, so no risk factor there.

"Oh Cordy, you wound me." He clutches his chest for effect here. "I'm glad L.A was good for you though, and I'm sure you acquired many useful life skills. Like how to tie your shoes, for example."

Edited 2009-10-06 22:45 (UTC)

Oh, so her wrath is entertaining now, is it? To be fair and honest, she doesn't mean all the things she's saying, too. Probably, like, only 99.98% of them.

"Please, like I wear shoes with actual laces?" ...okay, so that didn't exactly come off as scathing. "Should've thought of going someplace far too, Xander," she tells him. "Who knows? You might just pick up a useful skill along the way." A beat. "Or lose another eye. With you, it can really go either way."

But there's a nice 0.02 there that considers him awesome, right?

"Uh, hello, Scotland? It's on a whole different continent, affectionately called 'Europe'? Maybe you've heard of it." Not to mention all that time in Transylvania he spent with Dracula, but details.

"And hey! I'd like to see you try and fight a crazy super-powered evil priest and come out without any serious injuries. The guy kicked Buffy's ass, okay."

Well, yeah. Possibly. It's not like she'll ever date a complete, irredeemable, absolutely 100% loser person.

"I meant on your own, doofus," she reminds him with the patience of a person talking to a complete lunkhead. "Oh, please. I survived a demon hell dimension where evil priests completely ruled the land and made peoples' heads explode like it was popping gum. You don't see me wearing an eyepatch, do you?"

"Hey, I went to Transylvania on my own! I even taught Dracula to ride a motorbike. After which, admittedly, Buffy had to come and haul my depressingly enthralled, servile ass out of there, but points for initiative, right?" Xander protests, actually becoming more interested in the tales of Cordelia's apparent exploits than this ridiculous bickering match, as he raises an inquisitive eyebrow.

"Seriously? Heads exploding?"

Edited 2009-10-08 20:32 (UTC)

"Like watermelons when thrown out a building," she elaborates helpfully. "Isn't pretty. I try not to remember it."

Oh, Pylea. You and your weird, gruesome priests and your weird, gruesome customs!

Now it's her who's curious. "Okay. Dracula, enthralled, and ass? Pretty much never used in the same thought around me before. Spill."

"That's incredibly gross-- almost Tarantino-esque, in fact." He makes a suitably sympathetic distaste face, before asking: "So how did you get out of there?"

Xander looks a liiiittle bit evasive for a moment, as though choosing his wording very carefully. "Well, after..." ~~Anya died~~ "The battle at Sunnydale, I needed some time on my own. Drac and I have been pretty good buds since he came for a visit back in the day- sort of a pen-pal type vibe. So I went to visit him and kinda became his..." ~~manservant~~ "Assistant. Yeah. There might've been some thrall involved. Hence the untimely rescuing-- but he's really not a bad guy, y'know, for an evil fiend."

"Definitely. Because, hey - nothing really describes a good friend better than calling him an evil fiend."

She raises a brow, then decides against commenting on how strange the whole Dracula part is. Who is she to ask about how a person-slash-creature existed, when they've all been dealing with things far weirder and worse than that anyway?

"Oh, the usual," Cordelia says, in response to his question on how she got out of Pylea. "I got rescued. Although I did some good on my own. I mean, it's only right and fair that a princess should, right?" She grins at him.

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011: [location: summers' residence] & [visual]

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[location: the kitchen]

[location: on the couch still, oh yes]

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[visual]- this icon is especially for you, Cordelia

[visual] GASP I have no such similar icon I can use dammit

[visual] just feel lucky i didn't upload a worse one. >:D

[visual] ...why is it that I'm curious to see a worse one dammit brain

[visual] this is your own fault, zarah

[visual] My eyyyyeeeeeesssss!

[visual] YOUR FAULT

[visual] T_____T

[visual] :D!

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