Godric (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
faderbroderson) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
taxonomites2009-11-30 09:10 pm
faderbroderson) wrote in taxonomites2009-11-30 09:10 pm
Entry tags:
[Location: The Nest, Locked to Eric for ANGSTY TALKS]
When Sookie and Cassie had left the room, Godric turned his wrist and took Eric's larger hand in his own. It was a very human gesture, but they both needed the contact.
"Eric. I'm not going anywhere." It was a little worrisome to Godric that Eric found it so difficult to let him go. Physical separation hadn't been the easiest thing after nine hundred years, but they had done it, and Godric had known that Eric would do well on his own. But even as they had parted ways, Godric had known that given the choice, Eric would have stayed with him forever.
It was a rare thing among their kind, but then, most makers left their children to make their own place in the world hundreds of years earlier than he had left Eric. Perhaps they had stayed together for too long. But then again, a selfish, possessive part of Godric reminded him that he had made Eric to be his companion, and Eric had been everything he'd wanted. Godric had never wanted to give him up, even when he had told him to go; he had never released him. Why should he be concerned that Eric refused to release Godric in turn?
(ooc: Takes place immediately following this.)
"Eric. I'm not going anywhere." It was a little worrisome to Godric that Eric found it so difficult to let him go. Physical separation hadn't been the easiest thing after nine hundred years, but they had done it, and Godric had known that Eric would do well on his own. But even as they had parted ways, Godric had known that given the choice, Eric would have stayed with him forever.
It was a rare thing among their kind, but then, most makers left their children to make their own place in the world hundreds of years earlier than he had left Eric. Perhaps they had stayed together for too long. But then again, a selfish, possessive part of Godric reminded him that he had made Eric to be his companion, and Eric had been everything he'd wanted. Godric had never wanted to give him up, even when he had told him to go; he had never released him. Why should he be concerned that Eric refused to release Godric in turn?
(ooc: Takes place immediately following this.)
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There was also a niggling part of him that felt Godric was only saying all this because he couldn't meet the sun here. After all, he'd left Eric before, hadn't he? Eric firmly told that part to fuck off in several language.
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Maybe if he just stayed very still and didn't say anything , this could be over and Eric could go off and stalk Taxon. Or do something, anything else that didn't involve talking about this. Stupid vampire. Vain hope.
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"Eric... Was it so hard, letting me go?"
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"It wasn't as if you gave me much of a choice." He'd been ordered to go back in the hotel, compelled by his maker. Eric wasn't sure if he could have done anything to stop Godric short of dragging him inside, and even then Eric didn't know if he was strong enough to do that. But he would have tried.
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"You could have given me the chance to help." That short sentence was loaded with far too many emotions. Hurt, that Godric hadn't come to him with this; shame and guilt, that Eric hadn't sensed something was terribly wrong with Godric, that he hadn't paid enough attention; and anger, of course, about all of this.
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"I didn't want help. I didn't even want you there," he admitted. "I thought it would be easier on you if your last memory of me were kinder." And he hadn't wanted to see Eric's pain or face Eric's protests when he told him what he had planned. It had been cowardly of him, he knew. But even in light of his deep conviction, it had hurt to watch Eric cry for him on that rooftop in Dallas.
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"You thought I wouldn't come as soon as I'd heard you'd gone missing. You thought it kinder for me to just suddenly feel you go without any explanation, without any word." His voice was cold and bitter, and it was a measure of just how much this was affecting him that Eric's accent was becoming more prominent. And that Godric could even think such things hurt all the more, which just made him angrier.
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"You had your own life; your own child, your own area. I wanted to leave you to it. I didn't want you to dwell on me. It was a mistake, I know that now. I misjudged a great many things." His judgment was usually so sound, but somewhere in his melancholy he had lost his sense. He had made many bad decisions, before the end. And even some after.
He glanced at the doorway to the kitchen, his smile slipping. "We should take this somewhere else." If Eric began yelling, they didn't need the interruption.
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"Fine," he grit out, pushing up from the couch. "After you." You wanted this talk, Godric, you got it, along with everything that Eric had been suppressing. Surprise surprise, it was a lot.
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He could feel the anger coming off of Eric in waves. He knew what was coming wouldn't be pleasant, but neither of them should repress this any longer. If Eric needed to yell, then he could yell until his voice gave out.
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He stood in the middle of the room, arms at his sides, though he at least resisted the urge to clench his hands into fists. If he did that, then that was one step closer to punching something, and he really liked this nest almost as much as he disliked the thought of finding another one. He half-turned to the doorway, waiting for Godric to make the next move.
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"It was never my intention to hurt you." It was barely a whisper, but he knew Eric would hear him.
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"Your intentions were clear enough," he retorted, not quite yelling just yet, but it was just a matter of time. That Godric was apparently of a mind that Eric would just have gotten over it was just... It was insane. "If this place's sun allowed for it, you would have just stepped out from the Sanctuary and done it again!"
Eric's mind flashed to an image of Godric on the tablet, bursting into flames for the whole network to see. He flinched just from the thought of it.
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"But why?!" And there it was. Eric hated how his voice broke on that last word, and he hated how he could only barely hold back tears. "What was so horrible, so unbearable that you couldn't even talk to me about it? All those centuries of love between us, and you couldn't even pick up a goddamned phone?" He threw Godric's words back at him, though the venomous sarcasm probably would have had more bite to it if Eric wasn't trying so hard not to cry.
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"I had so little interest in anything anymore. Feeding, ruling my area, traveling...it all became so stale, like a record that only ever played a single song. It happened so gradually I didn't notice it until it was fully upon me, but I felt disconnected from the world that had once seemed to belong utterly to me. When I looked back on my life, I found the only thing I didn't regret was you. I didn't call you because I didn't want to be talked out of it, and I was afraid you were the only one with the power to do so."
And there it was, his cowardice in all its glory, laid on the table to be reviled. In the end, it had turned out that his convictions had been stronger even than Eric's tears, but it had been a closer thing than Eric knew. If Eric hadn't built such a successful life on his own, if Godric hadn't been sure that Eric would be able to move on without him... Well, that was neither here nor there. It hadn't happened that way. Eric was strong, and always had been.