taxonomites | xiii [ location: hyperion hotel, basement ].

Entry tags:

xiii [ location: hyperion hotel, basement ].

[ ooc | backdated to after this thread, handwaving dawn's performance of the ritual. sarah, if you'd like faith in on this, jump right on in-- same for anyone else who feels their character would be present. :> also, we can treat this like a party post with jumping around/threadjacking, etc. whatever works best for y'all. ]

Everything's foggy at first and there's shapes that, while still somewhat caught in the tail-end of the ritual's affects on him, he mistakes for others, relying on what little of his sight is working and unable to access the other senses that would give him a surer sense of who's around him. He doesn't remember Taxon. Not yet. What he thinks is happening is an echo of the past for him, of another time when his soul was ripped from him the 'wrong way'-- but then it had been of his own consenting, where here it had been a game, something out of his hands and entirely in someone else's control. To the blurry figure in the cage with him (Godric) he ventures, "Connor?" Then, turning his head towards the equally blurry figure outside the bars (Cordelia), he commands in a tone that isn't as loud or commanding as he thinks it is, "Faith. Stop. He's just--"

But then his sense of smell flares back to life with an intensity that makes him shut his eyes, shallow hard and slam his head back against the stone he's chained to with a sickening crack that would've damaged him, had he been human. It won't even cause a bump; it'll just hurt for a while, but the pain is tangible. Pain is always tangible. He understands pain, especially the self-inflicted. Right now, it's all he understands.

The scents are wrong. It doesn't fit the picture of what's supposed to be happening in his head. Connor. Where is Connor? He wants to ask, but his lips won't move and instead, the unvoiced question receives an answer in the form of a memory of a woman he can barely stand; light brown hair, twinkling hazel eyes and a smirk he would have liked to-- quite literally-- rip right off her face.

"Hits you where you live, don't it?"

"..."

"Of course I know. You lost your son. Well, gave him up."

"To save him."

"Which you did. He's happy and well adjusted now that he has no memory of you-- and the rest of the world, including your best friends, never even heard of Connor."

But, he'd spoke of him. He remembers now. Sitting in his office at Wolfram & Hart, smirking and laughing as he told Buffy of the son whose existence he'd hidden from the world. ...yet, he doesn't know why he did it. What should be an obvious answer is just a big, gaping blank in his memory; the reasoning that it wasn't him, but Angelus, not within his grasp. He hadn't done that when he was Angelus last. He'd killed a bunch of people, terrorized Fred (Fred, he smells Fred in the room and his eyes snap open as he turns his head and looks at where she's sitting on the stairs, vision still not fully back yet), gave Wes a run for his money and bit Faith, but he hadn't spoke so...callously of his son. And Connor had still been his then and not the family the Senior Partners had reassigned him to. It didn't match up like trying to fit two pieces from different puzzles together to form a picture he didn't even have the box art to.

"I-- I don't--" He tries to stand, but finds he can't. Yes, he'd been shackled then, but he hadn't been bound to anything. "Why am I chained to the wall?"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

She hadn't allowed herself to cry. Even when talking to Fred, or Buffy, or even Dawn - Cordelia held her head high and didn't cry, despite the fierce desire to do so. But this... this is just too much. A sob made its way out of her throat when Angel placed a hand on her shoulder, and soon she finds herself holding on to him for dear life - and crying.

"Oh god, Angel," she whispers, clutching his shirt as tears pour down her face. "I was so scared. I was so scared that I wouldn't see you again, that the glitch would be permanent and that we... we'll have to--" Cordelia pauses and sniffs. "And now you're telling me that you actually thought about leaving me permanently? God, how could you be so stupid?"

Edited 2010-04-10 14:51 (UTC)

"I'm an idiot," he says, gently, despite the tremor in his own voice. "But I'm also terrified. Cordy... You didn't let him out. I hate that I-- that he made you think that, but he did get out. And it wasn't the first time. Those aliens can make me become Angelus whenever they want. I'm not in control. I can't stop it, I can't...protect you from me. I might be back, but how..."

See? Not good with words. He can't even finish the rest of that; he just goes quiet and holds her as she cries, clinging to her as if she'll fall through the floor if he lets go.

And she might have. The tears aren't stopping any time soon, considering how long she's able to keep them inside.

She shakes her head, despite his words striking a chord of fear within her - because they were so true. "No," Cordelia says. "Even if there's a possibility of--" the nightmare starting again, but these she doesn't blurt out, "--I don't care. I'm not leaving your side, Angel - and you can't make me. Because there's still the possibility that they won't, and I don't want us to lose what time we have left here just because we're afraid of what might not even happen again."

He knows she's right. He knows Faith was right. Still, he can't help but go but and ask what if in his head. This whole situation isn't as black and white as he'd like it to be, but there's no need to point that out to her and upset her even more. He's back to being Angel for barely a few hours and he's already reduced a girl to tears. Way to go, Champ.

"Cordy. Cordy, shhh," he tried to sooth. Drawing back a bit, he touched his forehead to hers.

"What?" she asks, the word almost ending in a hiccup. "If you're going to say something stupid again, then I'd rather not hear it, okay?"

Cordelia doesn't draw away, despite being so angry at him right now. She needs his presence, needs to assure herself that he was here - and for now, she's not letting him go.

Edited 2010-04-10 22:21 (UTC)

Angel hates feeling this vulnerable and hates even more, letting her see just how vulnerable he is. He feels that she needs to, though; needs to see just how much this is hurting him, how confused and angry and how much it all hurts and that the pain isn't coming from the wounds inflicted upon him by River, but from the knowledge of what he did and more importantly, what he can do. It's a terrifying thing to him, to know that indulging in the pleasure causing pain gives a creature of darkness is only a step away if he'd just tell the soul to shut up, for it wasn't as black and white as let people believe. Humans became brutal killers with their souls intact every day. His soul wasn't the get out of jail free card so many saw it as; yes, it told him those instincts and urges that were programmed into his demonic coding were wrong, but it was up to him, in the end, whether or not to listen. It was the fact that he did listen that made him special, not so much the soul itself.

When he speaks, it's in a hushed voice that breaks with the tears he lets fall again. "One of us should be calm and I really don't think that's going to be me." See? Not stupid.

His hands move up to cradle her face, selfishly needing to touch her and assure himself that she's still real and he isn't in that box Angelus is not trapped in, making all this up in some repeat of that shaman's fantasy.

This. This is the aftermath she's been dreading; the effects of Angelus' rampage in Taxon and the scars the he's able to left behind. It's heartbreaking, how broken and battered they all were. Cordelia places her hands on his wrists, willing herself to stop crying so that he can. Angel's right; they both can't lose themselves now. One of them should be rational. One of them should be the other's rock so that they both can stay afloat.

"I'm sorry," she murmurs. "I'm just... but I'm okay now. And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that you'll be, too."

Cordelia understands that it's going to be a long journey for him, and silently vows that she'll be there for him every step of the way.

"Don't," he says instantly, voice firm despite his tears. And more gently, "Don't be sorry. Please. This isn't your fault. This isn't anyone's fault." He doesn't believe that, but he needs to say it for her sake and maybe if he says it enough, he'll start to feel inclined to believe it, too. "This... Is a mess. One I don't know how to clean up."

Angel draws his head back, dropping his hands onto her shoulders as he turns his head just enough to see out the open veranda and the Taxon landscape that lies beyond it. "They won't understand."

Cordelia crosses her arms in front of her, the very picture of defiance. "I'll make them," she says quite adamantly. And she's serious about that, too. The people out there will just have to get the fact that Angel shouldn't be blamed for Angelus' antics - and she'll make damn sure they will.

Angel turns back to her and gives her the tiniest hint of a smile -- all he can manage at the moment -- and looks down at her crossed arms, then back up, pausing his gaze at her neck. He drags a hand across her shoulder to her neck, brushing his fingertips over where he -- no, Angelus bit her. If it were possible for vampires to pale, he would be doing so about now.

She has almost forgotten about that wound. Cordelia's eyes widen and she pulls away, hating the fact that Angel can see the very first damage that Angelus was able to inflict on her. "Not your fault," she stresses, because dear god he doesn't need this right now. "Okay? Don't beat yourself up over this. I mean, hey - still alive here, all right? Two little puncture wounds? Pfft, over it. Not your fault."

He retracts his hand as if he's been burned when she steps away, curling his fingers into his palm in a tight fist he holds close to his unbeating heart. Angel swallows once, twice. Angelus had bitten her when he was trying to-- The whole thing made him stick to his stomach. What possessed their alien overlords to do that then was beyond him. That night was supposed to be special for her and not in the way it had turned out to be.

"Then why does it feel like it?" Angel asks of her then, voice small. "What did you do to deserve this from them? What did Buffy do? Or Dawn? Or your friend, Max? ...what did I do to give them a reason to let him out?" Here's where his fears start seeping out from the corners he's stuffed them into. "Is it because of Wolfram & Hart? Giving up Connor? Hell, Acathla? I am trying to atone, but it is never going to be good enough for the Powers or anyone if things like this keep happening."

Cordelia realizes her mistake immediately; maybe she shouldn't have pulled away from him. She steps closer to place a hand on his arm.

"I wish I have the answer for you, tiger," she says softly. "The truth is, I... I don't know. I'm just... lost right now. And I really, really wish I wasn't, because this, this is just..." Unfair. Annoying. Did she mention unfair?

"You know I've never been a fan of the Powers, but..." Cordelia bites her lip. "I owe them one. They gave me a vision, Angel. Of you coming back. If they didn't give a damn about you - about us - then why would they send me that vision in the first place? If they didn't in some weird way or form actually care about us... I don't think they would've bothered. But they did. Maybe they just have plans for us, and it's just too soon to tell what they are."

"I think it's more the other way around."

The Powers had asked so much of her and allowed terrible things to happen to her with Skip and Jasmine... In his opinion, they owed her more than one. Dozens, if he had his say. But, they weren't listening to him. They might be keeping some sort of an eye out for him as long as he was working for their cause, but what he wanted didn't matter. Who he wanted didn't matter, not to them.

His eyes fell upon the bite mark once more. This place was supposed to be their chance, that silver lining that allowed for them to make up for that missed moment. And to think Angelus could've destroyed that so easily if her demon powers hadn't kicked in. Good to know Skip's toying was good for something; it'd saved her from him.

Stepping back up to her, Angel took her face in his hands again, first pressing a chaste kiss to her lips he was certain they both needed, then touching his forehead to hers. "Whatever the reason, whoever... I'm back and I want to make things right with everyone, just... Not now. I can't-- Not right away. In time, maybe, but... I need to--" Brood. "--sort all this out first."

She closes her eyes when he kisses her, and only opens them when he has rested his forehead against hers. For the first time in a long, long while - Cordelia actually smiles. She's missed him so much that sometimes she ached with it. But he's right; he's back now. Eventually, everything will be okay.

"Take your time," Cordelia says. "Just remember that I'm here for you, okay? Same goes for Fred. Anything you need... anything at all. Just tell me." She chuckles and says, "And don't think I can't tell that you have a burning desire to brood, buster. I can smell it a mile away."

For a moment, he tries to look innocent so that he can properly deny these allegations of brooding, but who is he kidding? Of course he's going to brood. It's his favorite pastime and he's got a lot of brooding to catch up on in the two months he's been MIA and evil.

"I'm not going to brood, I'm...going to deliberate. Gloomily. Deliberate with some gloomy themes."

"And that's different from brooding how, exactly?" she asks, with one eyebrow raised.

"It's less brood and more gloom?" Angel tries in vain, shaking his head at himself. "I think this is the one time I deserve to be left alone to brood." As to not give her the wrong impression with those words, he dropped his hands away from her face to take hers in his. "Not right this moment. Stay?"

She snorts at the answer - but her heart is glad that he was at least trying to humor her, despite himself. Cordelia squeezes his hands with hers, before disentangling one and placing it on his cheek. There's nowhere else she'd rather be, at this point in time. "You know I will," she says. "I still have to take care of you, remember? Get you cleaned up. I think we need to restore a bit of your dignity as to not make it obvious that a tiny girl kicked your ass."

...she may not let you forget about this fact for a long, long time, Angel.

Edited 2010-04-13 13:37 (UTC)

Angel would like nothing more than to retreat to a dark corner and brood until the end of time, but he can't and he won't, for her and for Faith and Fred and that small shred of hope that lies in seeing his son again, whether it be here or back home. He has to get through this, for them if not for himself.

The vampire frowns at her, knowing well she's going to wield this knowledge like a sword and use it to cut down his ego whenever it gets too large. "Yeah. I should... Go get out of this." There's another frown, because he's still got on the leather pants and silk shirt of the Angelus-favoring variety.

"Oh, I agree with the shirt," Cordelia says, lowering her hand so she can run it across his silk-covered chest. "However... I do like you in leather pants, though. You think you can keep wearing them just a bit longer?"

Angel looks down, eyes following her hand's path. His mind jumps elsewhere and he looks up, consenting to the request with a nod. "A bit longer," he agrees, letting go of the hand he was still holding to reach up with both of his to start undoing buttons so she can tend to the damage River inflicted upon him.

Cordelia, if this is a way of distracting him from his brooding, it's working. For the moment.

She grins at him. "Good," Cordelia says, patting him twice on the chest. "Now go sit on the bed, 'kay? I'll get my supplies." Which she still has to hatch, but it won't take her too long anyhow since there's a convenient hatch down the hall. The trip lasts all of five minutes or so.

On her way back to the bed, she turns the lights on. The mess he's made is more visible now, and she bites her lip as she surveys it. Cordelia contemplates on asking him if he wants to move to her room, but quickly disregards it. Baby steps. He may need the sanctuary that his room provides, after all.

"Been a long while since we did this," she says instead, dropping her medicine kit on the bed to look at Angel. "I kinda missed it."

That shirt is dropped carelessly on the floor to mingle with the mess that he's made. For a vampire who was so OCD about keeping things clean and neat and even when he was 'okay,' a trashed room contrasted greatly against the norm, especially with how comfortable he felt among the rubble where it would have otherwise driven him insane. He sits down on the bed as instructed, wincing and making a distinctly vampire noise at the lights being turned on.

Angel blinks at her, squinting as his eyes adjust to the brightness now filling the room. "I'll make a note to get my ass kicked more often."

She rolls her eyes at him and crosses her arms. "Yeah. I'll tell River to always be on standby just in case I get another hankering." The pose only lasts a second or so, for now she's busy with taking what she needed from the kit: some cleaning solution, gauze, and tape.

With these in hand, Cordelia goes to sit beside him again. She frowns at the marks and wounds that River has left on him - and makes a mental note to never piss Ant Lady off. She gently traces the skin next to the worst ones before quietly starting the task of playing Nurse Cordy.

xiii [ location: hyperion hotel, basement ].

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]

[ location: hyperion hotel, angel's room ]