taxonomites | seventeen | location: around taxon | someone who appears to save the day

The look she gives him clearly says that she isn't buying the 'didn't lie' line.

"I confronted you about it. That day with your jacket. I asked you what happened and you avoided telling me. Might as well be a lie, Doctor." A thought crosses her mind and her face takes on something slightly akin to horror. "Is that why you--we--because of what you--Because of her?"

"What?" the Doctor says, his face mirroring her horror. "No, Rose, it was---it's not like that! We just...shared a few memories, she kept a bit of my personality from it, that's why she acted off to you."

He's not explaining himself well, and he feels like pacing or flailing, but that would mean moving away from her, and part of him is terrified to do that, too.

"It's---it's not her fault. I just thought I could help. And it did! It helped, she---trusts me, sort of. Which, in the end, is why the Master must've picked her, too."

"That's not what the Master said. He said it was exactly like that. More intimate even," Rose tosses back at him. "Why is it so important that she trust you that you'd--" She stops and bites her lips to hold everything in. She tries not to question the Doctor about other companion-like people. She knows she's not the only one. She's not the first or the last and pretending to be more than that is only going to get her hurt in the end.

"It can be," he admits, defensive. "Sometimes it is, in the right situations it can be, but this time, it wasn't. It was just two people sharing things psychically. Things like images and memories, they're things you trust, things you understand. And I wanted her to see that she could trust me."

She presses her hand against her mouth, thinking about this for a little while. Everything still hurts, inside and out. She wants nothing more than to let this all be over, to forgive and to pretend none of it's real. "What is she to you, Doctor? I can't suss it out. You try so hard to win her over and I don't get it. Why does it matter if she trusts you? There's a whole city full of people who don't trust you and yet you don't let them traipse through your head. You don't let--" She bites off her words again before she says me. She's trying not to make this about her. She's trying to step outside of herself and that's a difficult thing for Rose.

"I don't know," he admits, trying to make it seem unimportant. "She's a good person, she's interesting, she's got a lot of things she can use that can help us."

It doesn't touch the surface of the reasons, and he hopes Rose doesn't notice that.

"And I didn't let her traipse through anything. She was just supposed to see one memory, but---things got---" and this isn't going to sound good at all. "Complicated."

It's not that she doesn't notice. It's more that she doesn't understand it. "Complicated? If it's not intimate and it's not everything the Master said then why is it complicated?"

And then another thought occurs to her. "What else did she see, Doctor? Why does she look at me the way you do?" Now there's panic in her voice. There are things in the Doctor's head that she would never want anyone to see. "What does she know about you and me?"

"I don't know," he admits, and he hates admitting it. "There was...something happened, and I don't know everything she saw. Maybe nothing."

Rose squares her jaw, teeth setting a bit. Her tone is colder, harder now. To be honest, it's easier focusing on something like this rather then everything that happened. It all hurts but in a very different way. There's a hollow feeling that's eating at the pain in her chest. She's not sure whether that's a good thing or not.

"Something? Care to clarify Doctor because I assure you whatever that 'something' is, I'm assuming it's much worse."

He has a very funny feeling the next thing he says isn't going to make Rose happy.

"I can't tell you," he says. "I promised."

She looks like she's been slapped. It takes her several seconds to form words.

"Can't tell me what happened except that it's complicated and it's something that made you lose control of a situation then I come home and we shag like bunnies. The Master hurt her worse than anyone else. If the point was to hurt you through us then what's that say? I come out with a couple of bruises and she comes out--"

She stops because she doesn't like this path she's going down but she's also afraid it's the right one to take.

"Explain that to me, Doctor. You love me. You've all but said it so if you love me and I was hurt the least...what's that mean she is to you?"

"It wasn't just shagging, Rose, we---I---it wasn't like that with you, I promise," he says. He hates talking about this. Sex is something he doesn't do particularly often at all, much less ever talk about.

"I don't know," he says, putting his hand to his head to try to stop his wildly spinning emotions. "I don't know. All I know is that the Master's favorite torture is emotional torture, and you think you got off easy, Rose, but he didn't hurt you because of how it makes you feel. He did this because he wanted to wound you where it hurts the most. Inside."

He takes a breath. "I know. He'd done the exact same thing to me, too."

He has replied to her, but he's managed to not mention Morgana at all.

Edited 2010-06-01 05:32 (UTC)

She knows that. It's just paired with this new information everything is crashing down around her right now. Emotionally she's raw and she hasn't slept in more hours than she can currently add up. She's hurt and she's just worn down enough to speak all the fears and doubts boiling inside of her. Tears well up in her eyes again because she doesn't know how everyone else is faring but she knows she's still very much being tortured. It's almost like automated torture at this point the Master set her up so well for it.

"When did he hurt you?"

It's easier and instinctive to be protective of him, to jump to his defense even when he's the only one around to hear it. She realizes he didn't answer her question about Morgana and the way he's dodging it leaves a sinking feeling in her gut. Finally she takes a deep breath and just summons up her courage to ask the question that's reverberating in her head.

"You've fallen in love with her, haven't you? She's like Reinette and--" She stops short of saying 'everything I'll never be'.

"It doesn't matter," he says. It doesn't matter, because he hates thinking about the Year. It doesn't matter because he's already forgiven the Master for that. It doesn't matter because this isn't about the Doctor being tortured at all, it's about her and what she's going through.

Her next question takes him by surprise. Is he in love with Morgana? No, he doesn't think so. But maybe he is? He certainly fancies her. Maybe he's---no, no, it's not that way at all. In a way, it would be easier to talk about the Master, to talk about someone he's already long since admitted his own twisted feelings for. Morgana is different, Morgana is new and confusing and frustrating.

He does know one thing: He loves Rose. In moments like this, he doesn't really like being on love with Rose because that means she ends up hurt, but he knows that's true.

"I haven't been unfaithful to you," he says. He clarifies: "Not that we've, you know, considered what we have as something that needs to be faithful or otherwise, but apart from Drusilla tricking me into believing she was Romana, I haven't---I wouldn't. Once we leave Taxon, things will change, but for now---"

Rose shoves wet hands through her hair, pushing it back off her face. She'll let the year slide because he's here and he's alright and he hasn't answered her question about Morgana. Not directly anyway. She's still trying to keep all of her tears at bay without much success. At least she's not sobbing.

"You'll let me know if that changes yeah?" It comes out higher pitched and more choked than she intended it to. "If you're not--if you'd rather--" She stops and stares up at the ceiling a moment trying to order the thoughts in her head so that her words come out comprehensible. "If the rules change here; you'll let me know right?"

"Is that what you want?" he asks.

Again, he feels the need to clarify. "I don't---I don't do this sort of thing, Rose. I don't become anyone's anything. My life is too dangerous. I have enemies, real enemies, who pick out the people that I love and hurt them, emotionally or otherwise. So I just...what I'm trying to say..."

What is he trying to say?

"...I'm very, very out of practice as to how to make this sort of thing better."

"I'll take you almost any way I can get you, Doctor but--I won't share. Not like that. I couldn't-" She stops and takes a deep breath, holding it until her chest aches. She lets it out and lowers her head to look at him.

It actually makes her feel better that he's not denying whatever it is they're doing here. He's not insisting he's not right smack in the middle of it. "S'not like I've got scads of practice at this sort of thing either. All the blokes before I never cared much about sticking 'round if they--" she stops because she's not sure what to equate this to. She shrugs and gives him something of an apologetic look. "Usually just walked the door when another girl came into the picture. Don't want to walk away now. I don't know what will make this better."

She's not going to try and push him into telling her he loves her. Besides she already knows that. Nor is she going to try and push Morgana out of the picture. Better or worse, she deserves more than that for the things she went through at the Master's hands. And she won't ask him to make promises he clearly can't make. If he can't even talk about how he feels about Morgana than he's not going to be able to promise not to fall in love with her.

"I just know I don't want to be that girl that everybody's laughing at. The last one to know; the last one to realize she's being made a fool of. If things change between us from your end, I need to know."

She doesn't know what she'll do with that information but she feels as if she needs to know regardless.

"I don't think you could be the girl everyone laughs at," the Doctor says, giving her a tight smile. "Worries about, yeah. After all, you're with me. And I'm an escaped convict, remember?"

"Mum always worried but you never let her down. Don't expect you'll start now," Rose tells him. She half-heartedly returns the smile and slowly slides back to her original place in the tub. She's emotionally wiped out right now as well as physically.

"Did I do something wrong? Did I push too hard or am I not--enough of something?"

Cautiously, he reaches out for her again, this time to take her hand. He can't deny his attraction to Morgana, he simply can't, but even with it, his feelings for Rose haven't diminished. Arbitrary romantic obligations don't make a whole lot of sense to the Doctor, but relationships in general don't make a lot of sense to him, either.

He just doesn't want to hurt her. To hurt anyone, really.

"I don't want you to be anyone but Rose Tyler," he says.

Rose lets him take her hand in his, fingers threading together as naturally as they always have. Regardless of what their relationship is, the Doctor is a part of her. Her favorite part. He has been since the moment she first took his hand.

"Okay." It's really more of a whisper than anything. She forces a smile for him.

"S'good 'cause I'm rubbish at undercover."

"Yeah, you are," the Doctor says without hesitation. He pauses, and considers his words. "Wait, did I say you were? Sorry, I meant, um, well, uh---"

Good job there, Doctor.

It makes Rose laugh though and she nudges him with her shoulder.

"Hey! I haven't got any psychic paper to tell 'em I'm Lady Bashadom of Bashdonia. Got to rely on you to get me in."

"Yeah, well, I've got---"

He reached into his pocket to produce the psychic paper, but found that pocket empty. He searched the other and found the same. Nothing but his sonic and a few odds and ends.

"That's strange," he said. "I could've sworn I had it while I was here."

"Gone missing?" Rose asks, one eyebrow quirking up. "I don't think it was in the blue suit jacket when I had it but it's hanging in the closet if you want to check."

It's actually the one item of clothing she wears that doesn't end up tossed on the ground in the room. At least not when she wears it.

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Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

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Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler

Re: Rescuing the Victims--Rose Tyler