taxonomites | [Holo] - The codes, they do nothing!

Current Mood: angry

Entry tags:

[Holo] - The codes, they do nothing!

If anyone has any kind of mental link with the TARDIS' translation circuit and up at this hour, they'll notice something rather strange going on. It's pretty much unheard of him to swear in public, much less in the privacy of his own ship, but when the hologram pops online, he's ranting and raving in every single language he can put his considerable intellect to using. Some Earth languages - mostly not. Finally, he slams both palms down on the console of his ship, then runs them through his hair so it stands on end and belts out,

"Does anyone have a bloody clue how to get Taxon's database to respond to anything aside from give me a bloody earl grey with blueberry scones!?"

The Doctor stares at the console's screen for a quivering couple of moments and then seems to regain a bit of composure.

"Right, sorry."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I don't think taking it out on the machine is going to help.

Yes, I realize that. Well. Sometimes beating things with a hammer works on the TARDIS, but as of lately I've sort of had nothing to do but fix the things that needed bashing with a hammer, so you see I'm dreadfully, dreadfully bored. So, you know, ah, well, I thought I'd just beat on the console for old time's sake, yeah?

Oh, well then. Don't let me stop you from a familiar activity.

No, no, it's quite alright, really it is. She doesn't so much appreciate being beaten, and generally I try not to inflict too much ah, percussive maintenance as it were.

I'm the Doctor. You are?

Lt. Colonel John Sheppard. I just sort of... arrived here. Sounds like you've been here a long time, Doctor -- do you have a last name with that?

Just the Doctor, actually, nice to meet you Lt. Colonel Sheppard, charmed actually, you're the first actual human being I've had a conversation with in about oh... I dunno, at least a week and a half, it's gotten dreadfully boring here, honestly.

My ship isn't talking to Taxon's computers. Which is frustrating. Because generally the TARDIS talks to everyone.

Well, Doctor... [he pauses. just odd you don't have a last name.] maybe the Taxon computers don't like yer, uh, TARDIS?

In a week? You need to get out more.

You know, that's probably right, but honestly, just haven't felt any kind of impo-.. tence, imposture, impetus! That's the world, impetus to interact or generally be out and about, honestly, I think it's the architecture, I was on a planet once out by Beta Centauri, full of gas creatures and all, and they had the same building style as this place, only the gas creatures - oh blimey, what were they called. Fargothorians or something ridiculous like that, anyway, they were none too happy to see me, and I can tell you that being chased by conscious clouds of methane is never anything I'd ever, ever, ever, ever - ah, ever, want to repeat again.

Which is why I haven't been out. And I don't understand why Taxon's computers won't talk to the TARDIS, I mean, all of the connections check out, but she says it's like talking to a brick wall or holding conversation with oh, I don't know, jell-o?

[another pause as he tries to sort that all out.]

Considering we've been brought here against our will... I'd go so far to say that whatever brought us here? It doesn't really care if we want to talk to it. Don't think I've ever heard a communication break down in the terms of "jell-o" though. McKay usually uses some long complicated example.

Hold on, wait a minute. Your TARDIS thing talks?

Oh yeah, the TARDIS talks. We're telepathically connected. Sort of. It's not like she actually speaks, but she's certainly conscious. She sings, actually, like whalesong, it's more about connotation and tone rather than specific words, though she can be blastedly pointed sometimes.

It's been ... inordinately frustrating, let me tell you.

Last time I saw a whale creature, it led us to where one of my team members was stuck at the bottom of the ocean.

Maybe you both could use that telepathic thing at the same time to talk to it?

No, she's not like a whale, the TARDIS is a ship - and... that's...

[The PDA is turned off for a second, and then turned back off.]

Thank you. Sincerely. Thank you very much, I hadn't thought of that.

[not that it's being broadcast, but his eyebrows just went up.]

You're welcome. Technology back at my place works via telepathic thought. Just thought that maybe something along those lines would work out.

I'm the last person who would be able to manipulate the database, but if you do figure out how to get a decent cuppa out of the blast replicators I'll give you a million pounds for one. The last tea I had wasn't much better then dishwater, and the weak excuse for a scone isn't worth mentioning.

Not sure what you've been asking the machine for then. Then again, I've been specifying the exact chemical mixture for each individual item that I wanted, that seems to help. The more specific you are with the thing the better it responds and the more often you get exactly what you ask for. If you simply ask for, "a cup of tea and a scone", you'll get whatever the machine's code approximates as a cup of tea and a scone.

However... if you do... [there's a pause, and the Doctor begins tapping away on his tablet, sending whomever he's speaking with a long elaborate list of ingredients and their exact measurements in metric] this, you should be a little more satisfied with what comes out.

Well, I'm sure it'd give you a non-bloody earl grey with blueberry scones if you asked it nicely...

Oh, hello, Ianto.

I suppose it's safe to assume you've not had much luck either?

None at all, actually.

... Have you heard from River, recently?

No. Sorry. Not for about a month.

That was the only time I spoke with her, actually. You could try asking someone else?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Holo] - The codes, they do nothing!

[voice]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

[voice]

Re: [voice]

[voice]

[voice]

[voice]

[voice]

[voice]