taxonomites | 10 [Location: Castle Summers / visual] Everything will be okay

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10 [Location: Castle Summers / visual] Everything will be okay

It's taken Willow a really, really long time to work up the courage to make this broadcast, and even when she convinces herself she can't wait any longer, she still has to have some measure of comfort. Colette, her calico kitten, is tucked in her lap, purring contentedly as Willow leans back against the back of the chair she's sitting in. She's in her bedroom, the one she shares with Tara, and she looks nervous as she flicks on the feed.

"Uh, hi, Taxon!" She's using a falsely bright tone at the moment, because it's easier than acknowledging the fear and worry she's trying to keep at bay. Come on, Willow. You can do this.

"I-I know most of you probably know me by now, but, uh, if you don't, my name's Willow and I've been here for a couple of months now."

Pause. Breathe. Stroke the cat for comfort.

"What I really wanted to talk about is... my glitch a couple of months ago. Back in February. I know it's been a really long time and words aren't gonna make up for everything, but... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt anyone."

Well, yes, actually she had, but that was her glitched self, so that doesn't count at all.

"I'm a witch and I have some really powerful magic. I just... I'm learning how to control it so that doesn't happen again. My magic's just a part of me and I-I'm... sorry any of that happened."

Before she can beat herself up any more, she switches the feed off and waits to see how the rest of Taxon responds to her apology. Castle Summers residents can find her in her room. She'll be happy for visitors.

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"I was a bit ago. But I saw your broadcast." She returns the hug and then settles on the bed, not getting too far away. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She doesn't want to push, but it has been some time. She thinks it might do Willow some good.

Willow settles back in her chair, curling her legs up under her and watching the kitten instead of Tara. Colette seems interested in the string on the bed, not her mistresses.

"I just... thought it was time I got that out of the way, you know?" Willow finally looks back at Tara, hoping she'll understand. "It's been weighing on my mind, what I did. I wanted everyone to know... that I'm sorry for it. I never meant to hurt anyone."

Was this how it felt for Tara to watch her go so far downhill the first time?

Tara nods, resting her hands in her lap. "I know. And it's good - I think it will help. Apologizing, I mean."

It was different, now, but it was hard for Tara to separate the Willow she'd left, in the middle of her struggle, with this Willow from a bit before but who'd ended up someplace similar. She was trying, but it was still hard.

Apologizing usually helped, didn't it? Willow could feel the tears pricking at her eyes as she looked over at Tara. "A-and Tara... I'm sorry to you, too. I hurt you so much... You tried to warn me and I didn't listen."

The guilt was awful for her. She just wanted everything to be okay again, for Tara to know she was trustworthy, really this time. Willow wasn't going to make the same set of mistakes again. She'd had enough of the power-hungry stuff.

"I don't know how to make it better." And that was what scared her most.

"Time will help. I promise it will." As far as Tara can see, no one blamed Willow as much as she blames herself. "And glitches are... they're different."

Softer, almost hesitantly, she says, "Maybe... maybe it's not all bad, if it helps you in the long run." She'd hurt people, yes, but as far as Tara knew no one was beyond repair. And maybe it would prevent this Willow from having the same problems, if and when she went home.

Willow pauses to digest what Tara's saying. It makes sense... but it still hurts. Never in her right mind would she ever do anything to hurt Tara and yet a few months into her stay, she'd been deceitful and glitched into a horror-filled construct of her magic.

"I'm not going to let myself fall that far again if I can help it," she replies with a determined tone. "I don't ever want that to happen."

She looks down again, back to where their kitten is playing on the bed. They'd had Colette since Christmas... Christmas...

Willow swallows hard and gets up to head toward her side of the closet. "I was hiding things." Lots of things she won't hide anymore. "Colette wasn't the only thing I got at Christmas."

Rummaging around in the very depths of the closet, under piles of discarded clothes and shoes, she finally pulls out a box she'd thrown the spellbook into after the glitch. She hadn't wanted to see it again. Slowly, she lifts the spellbook out and fingers the cover nervously. This won't go over well, but it's something she needs to do.

Tara looks at the book. "Is it one - I mean, it it something you've heard of?" Because first thing's first, and it would be true Sunnydale style for it to turn out to be cursed or have a mind of its own or something else terrible.

Willow shakes her head and sits down on the bed, not too close to Tara, but not too far, either. Her hand reaches out to stroke Colette nervously. "No. I-it's like... it was specially written for me, for what I wanted to do at the time."

The book's full of powerful dimensional, resurrection, and memory spells, like the aliens had been purposefully trying to goad her into attempting to make things the way she wanted them to be.

"It's like they were building me up until it all just exploded."

Tara's expression tightens a little - she's angry, but not at Willow, for the moment. "They like poking at things, I think," she says, deliberately. "Seeing where people's weaknesses are."

She can't help thinking of DG's glitch, of poor Piper before she went home. Willow wasn't the only of her friends she'd seen pushed by the aliens farther than she should go.

Willow really wouldn't blame Tara if she was angry with her. Not at all.

"Yeah... And they sure got mine."

Magic. It's her power, but also her downfall. She would be learning to control it now so that never happens again.

"That's the only book they gave me, though. The rest was... circumstance-" She looks down at the bed and the kitten. "-and my unwillingness to see what was happening."

She takes a deep breath and lets her eyes move back up to her girlfriend. "Um... Tara, I-I... just wanted to ask you one thing." It's a huge favor to ask, especially after what happened, but Willow has no one else to turn to and Tara's the one person she trusts above all others.

Tara looks up. "Of course. Ask whatever you want," she says, quietly. She's not quite sure what to prepare for, but she couldn't help but thinking honesty would be good for them both.

Willow takes another deep breath. "I need to learn to control this better a-and not rely on my magic so much. I feel like I barely know anything about what kind of power I have and how to make to work, but... I-I guess being glitched like that made me realize how close I am to that happening again." She stops petting Colette and rests her hands in her lap so she can give Tara her full attention. "I thought you might be able to help."

Better Tara than a lecture-happy Mayland Long anyway.

"Of - of course. If I c-can," she says, softer. "You have a lot more raw power than I do, Will, I'm not sure how I can help." She's more than willing to try, and Willow wanting help was a big step in the right direction, but even so.

"I know..." Willow answers quickly, her gaze dropping back to the bed. "But..." She's not exactly sure what to do otherwise. Even if all they can do is try, it's better than nothing at all. "I know my magic's different, but I don't want it to just sit there. I don't know what else to do. I-I feel like if I just leave it and don't try anything, I'll just be... y'know..." She shrugs half-heartedly. "...leaving myself open for a repeat."

"I think... I think maybe it's a good idea, if you're careful. B-but it's two different things, you know," Tara adds, after hesitating. "How to use your magic and when. The problems you were having at home - that was more when, and it was bad, but it didn't get glitch-bad until there was a reason."

Tara still doesn't want to tell Willow all of it. There's a reason she hasn't. But she also thinks it's probably unfair not to, and that (knowing the aliens) Willow will find out somehow.

"I know..." Willow trails off, eventually looking back up. She can sense the hesitation in them both, but she figures that's just due to the tension between them, what this glitch has brought to their relationship. Whatever it is, Willow wants to work through it. She's tired of trying to hide from who and what she is.

"Guess the aliens wanted this time to be pretty much exactly what happened last time. But hopefully, it'll never happen again a-and I'm gonna do everything I can to be sure of that."

She doesn't get it at all.

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10 [Location: Castle Summers / visual] Everything will be okay

[Location: Castle Summers]

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[Location: Castle Summers]

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[Location: Castle Summers]

[Location: Castle Summers]

[Location: Castle Summers]

[Location: Castle Summers]

[Location: Castle Summers]

[Location: Castle Summers]

[Location: Castle Summers]

[Location: Castle Summers]

[Location: Castle Summers]

[Location: Castle Summers]