taxonomites | [holo] check up, check in, check out!

"Hello citizens! Hellooo!"

It had been some time since that cheery greeting had first rung out across the tablets but there it was once again, accompanying a holographic broadcast from the arrival room. The platform was occupied by two hamsters of unusual size, the first with short tawny fur and the second with long white fur. Both were waving their little paws.

"Long time, no chat," the tawny one pronounced and scratched at its ear. "Sorry about that, we've been awfully absentee."

"Yes, it is most unfortunate," the white one agreed. "But we've been quite busy, and still are! Holiday rush and pinched budgets, you know how it is."

"They do, they do! Happy new year, belatedly! Though it's still early for Mr. Long, isn't it?"

The second hamster nodded. "Oh, yes, a little early yet. The point is we have a teensy bit of time now."

"Just a little, just enough to answer a few questions and take a few comments." The first hamster waved its paw. "But then it's back to work, so make it quick!"

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Well, this was curious. Helen had been informed about the hamsters but this was the first time that she had seen them, and even warning didn't appear to be enough. She was in her office, sat on the couch reading when her tablet had activated. The unfamiliar voices had caught her attention first, and then the sight of the two hamsters in holo format. Well.

"A little bit of time until what, then?" Helen put her book down, picking the tablet up from where it sat and gave it her undivided attention; this could be a rare opportunity.

"Or would that be a little too secret?"

"Not everything is secrets, Ms. Magnus!" the first hamster said, its tone a little chiding. "Although you understand it's better if some things are classified, yes?"

The second nodded. "Locked up and secure, of course she understands! But to your question: until we get back to work, of course! These things don't run themselves you know."

Helen stayed silent for a moment, partially considering what they'd said. They knew a lot, although given that they brought everyone here she expected that they should - and they did oversee everything.

"I wouldn't expect that they would, although with a lack of presence here it's hard to know what to expect."

Hamsters. This would be the first time Jenna was really paying attention to them, and she frowned at the transmission from her place at the kitchen table.

"What is there to comment on, aside from you guys being unreachable?"

Not that she was complaining too much. She rather preferred having them at a really big distance from her.

The first hamster bristled a little. "There is a suggestion box, Jenna."

"Oh, how about the weather?" the second piped up, ignoring its companion. "Or the free bubbly, we do hope it meets your standards."

Free alcohol generally tests quite well as a morale booster.

Jenna rolled her eyes. "Like you actually listen to that."

...Really, the weather? "Okay, the free bubbly is nice. The weather's not bad. I'm just kinda not following why you're contacting us now of all times."

Call her suspicious okay.

Briar had seen some very odd things, but never anything quite like these two. Even Luvo and Chime made more sense to him than the enormous rodent-like creatures now speaking over the device. "What exactly are you?" he wondered slowly aloud, currently too bewildered to be polite.

And in a moment, as their words began to sink in, Briar lost any desire for politeness. Brusquely, he fired off a couple more questions. "Were you involved in bringing us to the city? If so, why are we here?"

"We're the eeeeevil alien overlords," the second hamster said and wiggled its little paws before collapsing into giggles, which the tawny furred one joined in on. Nothing to do with you, Briar, they just find the entire idea hilarious.

Once recovered, the tawny hamster continued: "FYI, we do not bring anyone anywhere, and you are here because we say so."

Infuriating but true!

Briar raised his eyebrows. “What’s an alien?” He knew what an overlord was, and wasn’t sure how he felt about having giant rodents for those. Their cheerfulness was downright unnerving.

He took a deep calming breath, formulating additional questions. “Fine, then you got someone else to do your dirty work for you. Why do you get to say who’s here? Maybe we’d rather be in our own homes.”

"Why offer to answer questions when you never tell us the truth?" snapped DG, every syllable dripping with disdain. The hamsters might have been the ones to bring Glitch back, but she still hated them for putting him in that position in the first place. She hated them for everything they'd done to the people trapped in the city. "Why don't you just tell us what you want?"

"Oh, hello, princess! Hello hello!" The first hamster? A bit of a fan. DG can expect a dozen roses on the kitchen table tomorrow morning.

The second is able to hold his composure a bit better and planted its paws on its hamster hips. "Just because you don't believe something doesn't make it not true, you know. And all we want is for all of you to go do that voodoo that you do so well!"

DG was not overly impressed by the hamster's enthusiasm. It was difficult to get angry at something that appeared - on the outside, at least - to be sweet and fluffy and entirely unassuming. Until she remembered everything that she and her friends had been put through.

"Don't call me that," she said, "You're the reason I'm not in the O.Z right now." Learning to come to terms with being a princess and learning to have a family.

"What's that supposed to mean? Voodoo? You mean magic?"

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me," are the first and only words that leave Gwen's mouth. So the whole hamster thing was not a metaphor. Good to know. Makes her feel, oh, about ten times more stupid, but good to know.

Edited 2012-01-18 00:29 (UTC)

"Nope, not kidding!" the first hamster crowed.

"You can't kid a kidder," the second agreed with a hamster grin. "Hello Gwen!"

Biiiig pause. "...Hi...?"

What the hell is she supposed to say to a talking hamster?

"This place sucks, you know that?"

There's that, for starters.

Long clears his throat, looking sternly at the hamsters over the tablet. If he wore glasses, he would probably shove them up his nose. As it is he has to content himself with a severe stare.

"Early. Yes. I would applaud your cultural sensitivity if not for how you choose to mark the holiday for me last year," he says stiffly.

One of the things the aliens said cause him to arch a brow, though.

"....from whom do you requisition your budget?"

...Holy shit.

Party scrambles to his feet (though really it's more like a maddening rush to the tablet) and nearly trips over something-or-other, grabbing his tablet and flicking it on.

Hamsters. They really were hamsters.

"Alright, dustmotes, you got 3 seconds to explain why we're here an' why you think it's so fuckin' slaughtermatic to bring in Killjoys. After you're done with that you're gonna spread those shiny wings and get some goddamn LISA for Gwen, you fucking hear me?"

Riza checked out her communicator and stared. There were hamsters. And they were talking. They also seemed rather large. She couldn't believe it.

Still, she managed to shake off the surprise. "Back to work on what. exactly?" Her voice was stern with a hint of anger in it. So, she really was the little lab rat of...well...lab rats.

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