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[location: John Everton's House]

[Note, this is closed and might get all adult and stuff. You have been warned! Also? I blame it on Cordy.]

Charlotte turned off her tablet and put her head down on the table in front of her. Between all those lovely questions at the party and Cordy repeatedly saying 'your guy,' Charlotte needed a drink. Or a nap. Or a drink and then a nap. And then another drink.

Instead, she made herself get up and go looking for John. There was so much from the last few days they hadn't talked about at all. Somehow they seemed to have fallen into a routine where they didn't talk about life outside the house much. It was as if they both worked high stress jobs they didn't want to bring home. It made for a pleasant life, but eventually those things they set aside needed discussing.

Not that she said a word to him when she found him. Her arms went around his waist, her head on his shoulder, and she sighed softly. Her guy.

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"I'm sure there are worse people I could belong to." He grinned, then went quiet.

"Would you marry me, if I asked?" That question was whispered, as he had no idea what her answer would be.

He could, for instance, belong to Cordelia who would eat him alive. She was so busy thinking about that highly amusing image that it took her a moment to understand his question. When she did, she went as quiet as he had.

"Oh, John." She exhaled slowly. What an impossible question in a place where it wasn't even possible so far as she knew. "If I thought you were sure you wanted me and not just the comfort of living with someone?" That sounded awful. "Would you really want to?" And that sounded no better. He was going to hate her.

He sighed softly and looked away. "Was just a question." He didn't let go of her or anything, but her reaction was all he needed to know he was a fool.

This was why she hated coming to him when she was in a mood. They were both so mercurial and fed off each other in the worst ways sometimes. "It was a question I wasn't expecting, which is stupid because I should have. I know how much you hate that what we do is a sin, by your reckoning." She licked her lips. "And I know you say-"

She stopped cold and shook her head. She wouldn't dismiss him that way. "And I know you love me."

He nodded again. But he knew what she'd meant to say and it was just another little reminder that they approached these things completely differently. He knew she thought his belief unfounded, but it was who he was and that was not going to change. It was a sin what they were doing and he could only be jovial about it, or at least accepting, some days.

She sat back a little so she could look at him properly. "Baby, you have to understand, I never imagined the issue would ever come up for me. And you-- You assumed that if you found someone you wanted, that it was the next logical step, right?"

She touched his face for a moment. "Don't you understand? I feel like the worst kind of harlot who is trapping you somehow. Even when I know that's not giving you enough credit, even when I know how much I care about you."

Her shoulders hunched and she looked down. "Would you have even come back to see me again after that night in New York?"

"That's not even a fair question. We are not in New York and neither of us knows what would have happened if we were." He was not all that interested in giving her his eyes, though. He just didn't think she would react well to all the doubt he was having at the moment.

He had a point there, one she hadn't really let herself consider because then she had to deal with what they were really doing. They weren't passing time or playing house, they were living together. They hadn't had to, not even those first nights after he arrived. And she'd never considered not trusting him after being hurt. It was herself she hadn't trusted. "No, I guess that's not fair."

She dropped her hand. "The truth is, I have no idea what I'd say because the whole idea doesn't seem real. It's like you're asking me to climb Everest. There's no civil authority, no church, no way to be married." She shrugged. "I wouldn't know what I was saying yes to."

She didn't really understand that she'd just answered him.

He nodded. She, too, had a point. Which, really, made it that much more of just a question. A question that could have no answer. So, in the end, it didn't matter and it certainly wasn't worth thinking about any more.

She could see him filing things away, putting something he cared about in a box he wouldn't look at anymore. She already felt a little bad every time she jumped him the way she had. Watching him give that up made her stomach turn a bit.

She tucked in close to his neck, worming her arms around his body so she could be as close as possible. "What color should I wear?"

He tightened his arm around her and kissed her hair. "Something in blue, I think."

She'd had a dress once, steel blue with no back and long sleeves. Wearing that while he wore a tux would make for an impressive pair. And he'd probably keep his hand on the small of her back, the bare small of her back, most of the night. She nodded against his neck. "I have something. You'll like it."

She nuzzled at him a little. "Would you mind if I walked with you sometimes. When you go exploring?" She knew he looked for churches. Now that there were people, maybe he'd have better luck.

He shifted a little so he could look down at her, then nodded. "I would like that. Probably wouldn't give up so easily if I had company."

She didn't lift her head to look at him, hoping it would hide her flush. "I don't like to think of you giving up on anything you want, John. That's not right."

He gave a little shrug. "It's not like I can't come back to it at a later point."

"True." She sat up properly so she could kiss him hard, pressing him back into the chair. "I'm not going anywhere." She went back to kissing him before he could say anything else.

He groaned roughly against her lips at the first kiss. The second made him whimper. His hands went to her hips and he turned her a little so that she was closer to straddling him. And he made no attempt to break the kiss.

She went where he wanted her, even though there wasn't really room in the chair. In the end, they did this well. The longer they kissed, the better she thought they did it. The only real problem was that chair. Without breaking the kiss, she shifted again to slide off his lap and pull at him.

There was a perfectly good bed not so far away.

He resisted her pulling for only a moment, then he stood so he could be more against her again. He was able to figure out their location easily enough, but he let her keep him moving. It would be good for her.

She really did mean to get him all the way to the bed, but just outside that room, she stopped so she could press hard into the kiss. She whimpered against his lips as she raked invisible fingers through his hair. Kissing him was just too distracting and it always had been.

She really shouldn't have stopped. He pressed her against the wall the instant he felt her fingers in his hair. Cheating. That's what it was. Cheating.

She was no more cheating than he was. Well, she wasn't until she felt the wall behind her. Then she knew she had to do something. She kept fingers in his hair and adding nails down his back. That was sure to arch him against her. And that was cheating.

She knew him plenty well and he did arch against her. He also swore in her mind as he bit her lip.

She just could not get used to hearing him in her mind that way. Particularly not using words like that. She used her real hand to slap his ass for the vulgarity even as she ground her hips against his. They were going to end up on the floor in a minute.

He pulled away from her lips with a groan and pulled her off the wall. "Bed. Now."

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