taxonomites | 004 ;; [ VISUAL ] not all that it seems

Usually Ashley could find herself a rooftop to sit upon and think, to work through whatever was bothering her or to calm from her mental beating if something had gone wrong. Here, despite their being plenty of rooftops to choose from it didn't quite seem appropriate. The situation was different, wildly different from anything that they, particularly her, had previously encountered and her normal quiet reflection didn't seem fitting. Especially in the middle of the day.

She'd collected her bike a little earlier, not feeling her usual drive as she rode it back to the Sanctuary before taking a lone walk in the middle of Osten. Forgoing the use of the trains, Ashley had tried to free her mind and let herself just walk; to finally explore this place which as trying to become home. Neither of those things had worked and eventually Ashley stopped, standing in the middle of whichever street she'd found herself in. People went about their day, barely bothering to give her a glance.

The previous night had been hard and Ashley had found herself unable to sleep; nothing about their lives or what they did had ever had this effect on her, yet none of them had ever been experimented on before. She'd gone through her usual morning routine, trying to feel like herself: she looked the part, but Ashley didn't see herself looking back in the mirror. Pain had come with her anger as did the reminder of what she was. Her mother hadn't yet done any tests or scans which was one reason as to why Ashley had left. Coming to terms with what had happened was something that Ashley believed would be hard to accept or come to terms with. Seeing it happen to someone else was one thing, but to yourself? It wasn't something that Ashley had ever imagined.

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"That, and your mom being. You know. Over a hundred and fifty years old." He tried to smile, but didn't quite get there.

He shook his head. Bruce knew enough, and personal experience (or at least distorted technicolor flashes) could fill in the rest. "I don't have to know. You wouldn't attack your mom, or do anything like that unless it wasn't you."

That too. His justifying though, was exactly what her mom was viewing it as. Ashley agreed with them that she wouldn't do it personally, but it didn't make her feel any less responsible or less like a monster.

"You know from experience or just guessing?"

Bruce hesitated, looked off to the side. But this was something he knew all too well, and. Well, he might as well come out with it. Not all of it, yet, but enough.

"Personal experience."

Ashley wasn't sure whether to believe him or not: what experience could he possibly have had which was comparable to this? She didn't think that much counted in the same regard.

"Right."

"I do." Bruce didn't say it with any kind of vehemence, just exhaustion. It's not like a kid demanding belief, just a tired almost-friend offering a fact. He isn't sure what she remembers of her deaged glitch, but he managed to get attached somewhere between the burnt waffles and the chocolate chips.

"Look, whether you believe me or not, I know. I don't know how much I can help, but. I'd like to try."

Having someone who knew made it different, and it sounded like a more specific knowing that anything that Henry or Druitt had been through. If it was a similar case to what had happened to her, then she definitely wanted to know.

"Alright."

He tried that smile again, and this time it shone through.

"So, um. Whenever you want to talk, you know. Well, you know where I am. And if you ever want help controlling it... I know a few techniques. To help with that."

"Techniques? You're going to have to say more than that." Because this made her curious.

"Meditation. Ways to control your breathing, your heartbeat. Keep yourself calm to keep in control." He fidgeted a little before continuing. "At least, that's how... It helps with my problem. I don't know if it would help you, but. Can't hurt to try, right?"

"Keeping calm isn't exactly that easy." Not when you're pissed at what was done and you want to do something back. And meditation? She wasn't a sitting still girl, never had been.

"I know it's not," Bruce said sympathetically. "But unfortunately, now that you've been changed, you have to change to deal with it. It's not easy, and definitely not fair, but that's how it is."

"If I was myself, keeping calm wouldn't be a problem." But he was right, it wasn't fair. Hopefully her mom would have an answer and then at least she wouldn't be dangerous. Changing though? There'd been far too much of that lately.

He winced. "...To be kind of honest, if you were yourself, then. We kind of wouldn't be having. This conversation." Bruce knew it was kind of harsh, but it was the truth.

And that was something that Ashley wouldn't complain about. To her, it would probably be a better conversation. "So when do you want to do this?"

"Whenever you'd like. It's, um. Not like I have a lot of things going on here."

"Perfect. Guess I'll have to come home."

"Or I could come to you? I mean. Either or. Wherever you'd be more comfortable."

"The Sanctuary has enough empty rooms."

"All right. ...Uh. So. See you soon."

Ashley gave a small nod before putting her tablet back away. Whatever was coming, from him, her mom or anyone else Ashley didn't know. And that frightened her almost as much as this.

004 ;; [ VISUAL ] not all that it seems

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