taxonomites | 004 ;; [ VISUAL ] not all that it seems

Usually Ashley could find herself a rooftop to sit upon and think, to work through whatever was bothering her or to calm from her mental beating if something had gone wrong. Here, despite their being plenty of rooftops to choose from it didn't quite seem appropriate. The situation was different, wildly different from anything that they, particularly her, had previously encountered and her normal quiet reflection didn't seem fitting. Especially in the middle of the day.

She'd collected her bike a little earlier, not feeling her usual drive as she rode it back to the Sanctuary before taking a lone walk in the middle of Osten. Forgoing the use of the trains, Ashley had tried to free her mind and let herself just walk; to finally explore this place which as trying to become home. Neither of those things had worked and eventually Ashley stopped, standing in the middle of whichever street she'd found herself in. People went about their day, barely bothering to give her a glance.

The previous night had been hard and Ashley had found herself unable to sleep; nothing about their lives or what they did had ever had this effect on her, yet none of them had ever been experimented on before. She'd gone through her usual morning routine, trying to feel like herself: she looked the part, but Ashley didn't see herself looking back in the mirror. Pain had come with her anger as did the reminder of what she was. Her mother hadn't yet done any tests or scans which was one reason as to why Ashley had left. Coming to terms with what had happened was something that Ashley believed would be hard to accept or come to terms with. Seeing it happen to someone else was one thing, but to yourself? It wasn't something that Ashley had ever imagined.

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"Everything okay, Ash?"

Peter rubbed his eyes as he sat in the chair next to Max's bed. She had fallen asleep again, and seemed to be doing better with the treatment Magnus was giving her. Thank God. That at least calmed something in his nerves. Not that a lot did lately.

"Could be worse." But it could also be a hell of a lot better. Ashley didn't miss where Peter was and felt bad for not having yet checked on her, and for leaving her but at the minute she needed a little bit of space; even from the Sanctuary.

"How is she?"

He blinked a few times and looked over at Max before looking back at the screen. "Fine. I mean, she could be a lot better... but, all things considered? At least the seizures have calmed down. Your Mom knows her stuff."

"She's been doing it long enough." She gave him a brief smile but it didn't last long; not a lot of things were going right lately.

Peter returned the smile, except his stayed longer. "There's a lot of talk about what's going on with you, Ash. I don't know what it is. You wanna talk about it?"

She'd been trying to get away from it but with everything that had happened in Peters world perhaps he might understand. "What do you know?"

"Something is going on. Makes you not here a lot anymore. Magnus has that wound on her arm, but when you ask, she doesn't answer. She's been up a few days straight now in her office. Avoiding people, not even talking to Gabriel." Peter frowned a bit. He was worried, but didn't think it was his place to ask. At least not ask Magnus.

Peachy. "Well you just hit the jackpot." Explaining this would not be fun.

"Back home I was kidnapped by the Cabal. They altered me, putting me in their control and a super fighter, a vampire. We attacked the Sanctuaries and I came close to killing my mom. She managed to make me me again, but to save her I had to die." At least that's what would have happened if they were still at home. Ashley paused, looking around before back at the tablet. "She's working on a way to reverse it." She'd expected a hard effort like anything her mom did but that expectation hadn't included her not sleeping or avoiding everyone else. That worried Ashley too.

He listened carefully, trying to find the best way to say his response. "I'm sure she's going to find a way, Ash."

Like she hadn't heard that plenty lately. "That's what everyone says."

"Don't believe it?"

"I don't know." Ashley was never good at waiting and while she didn't doubt her mom, it seemed a little too good to be true in a way.

Edited 2009-10-28 21:25 (UTC)

Peter nodded. "I know what it's like... new powers, everything is sort of frightening at once."

Ashley hadn't given as much thought to her abnormality as she had to the rest of it: that would come later. "Being a thing you can't control? Oh yeah."

"I couldn't control my ability at first. No one really can." He raised his eyebrows. "You're in control right now."

Barely. "You don't want to see when I'm not."

He rubbed his face. God, Ashley was stubborn. "Ash. Being afraid of it is only going to make it worse. If you don't believe in your Mom, you have to deal with it head on."

"Deal with it head on?" She wasn't sure if she wanted to know what that entailed or not.

"Y'know... confront it. You're running away from it. At some point you have to take control back. Find out what triggers it and control it." Peter explained. "I mean, do you really want to just keep being afraid of yourself?"

"When you get messed with like this then you can comment." To Ashley she wasn't afraid of herself, more of what she could become and she was trying hard to keep those two ideas or parts of herself seperete. As for the trigger? She found that anger worked and she couldn't help but be angry.

"What? When someone turns you into a monster?" He challenged.

Precisely that, which she didn't dignify with a response; just a rather sharp look.

That look wasn't going to make him back down. "I don't get it one hundred percent, yeah. But, I know what it's like to feel like a monster. And if you don't confront it - or have someone to help? It'll just get worse."

He didn't think back to when he had learned how to use Gabriel's ability often. He should have listened to him. Peter had killed Nathan, and then tried to kill his mother, then ... he had to kill his father. Though by that point he had lost Gabriel's ability? He still pulled the trigger. Even if it was Sylar that launched the bullet into his Dad's head.

"At the least I know what it's like to feel disgusted with yourself for things you've done that weren't under your control."

Carrying on was not helping the situation however, mainly because Ashley wasn't sure whether to believe him or not. "What sort of things?"

004 ;; [ VISUAL ] not all that it seems

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