taxonomites | 009: [Location: Sunnydale Beach] We are all just trying to be holy

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009: [Location: Sunnydale Beach] We are all just trying to be holy

Though recent events weren't exactly unusual for Tara, given what happened on a regular basis in Sunnydale, they were unusual for this place. She remembered when she'd first come here--months, or was it years ago?--and there had seemed to be so few people, a relative calm and peace, despite the strangeness of the place itself. But now there were people everywhere, some people who seemed to be here for no purpose other than to blend in and keep to themselves.

Most of the time, she preferred being with the Scooby gang, or some of the other friends she'd made while here, but it was nice occasionally to go exploring. The exploring didn't happen so frequently anymore, given the influx of people, some of them not so friendly, but today seemed to demand it. The change in weather didn't exactly make for an ideal day at the beach, Tara decided that as long as it didn't rain, she could just bundle up enough that an hour out there by herself wouldn't be too bad. In fact, the crisp air was refreshing, provided one wasn't out in it for hours on end.

So far, the skies had been cloudy and grey, but the rain had held off. Tara buttoned her oversized cashmere sweater to trap in what little warmth there was, and turned her attention back to the book she was reading. Another half hour here and she'd wander back home, stopping for a cup of hot cocoa on her way.

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Having thought she was alone on the beach, Tara jumped slightly at the voice, though her surprised expression quickly changed to a delighted smile at the sight of Buffy.

Out of reflex, Tara shifted the book to look at the cover (though she obviously knew quite well just what she was reading) and replied, "Not so a-academic. It's The Mists of Avalon. It's...it seemed fitting? For a day like today."

Buffy took the opportunity to flop unceremoniously down onto the sand next to Tara, returning the smile before squinting disapprovingly up at the sky.

"You mean on account of this new and refreshingly crappy weather? Yep, it's very appropriate." As the artificial heavens didn't appear to be offering any kind of response to the criticism, she looked back at Tara again. "So how's Tara-Land? Apart from literary?"

Tara shut her book and put it down beside her, crossing her legs and folding her hands into her lap. So much had happened, to all of them, that saying everything was fine would be a lie, but saying that things were not great seemed inaccurate as well.

"Quiet," was all Tara could finally think to say. Much like Tara herself, things recently had felt quiet. Things with Willow were...again, not bad, but...things felt a little off, and that had to be dealt with and worked through eventually. Then there was Xander and everything with Fangtasia.

"Are you...all right?" Tara probed, gently, wondering if she'd get a straight answer out of the Slayer.

'Quiet' worked. Buffy knew exactly what Tara meant by that-- it was almost as though, after so much recent craziness, they were in a lull. How temporary it would prove to be remained to be seen, but for now, yes. Quiet worked.

"Been better," she answered, honestly as opposed to avoidant, for once. For some reason it was easier to do that with Tara than it was with other people, sometimes. "Worrying about everything--" (and by everything she mostly meant Eric-- she waved the useless stake in her hand illustratively, as she continued) "--is... a little exhausting. But I've also been worse-- at least I'm not dead again, right? That's always a plus."

Tara's shoulders relaxed, almost imperceptibly, and she hadn't realized she'd even been tense until Buffy had responded. She worried about Buffy--well, she worried about everyone she loved--slightly more sometimes if only because she had stronger shields than everyone else. Tara was still intuitive enough to usually sense when Buffy wasn't being completely truthful, when things were wrong underneath the surface, but getting Buffy to actually talk about it wasn't always easy. And Tara respected that, and felt even more privileged when Buffy did divulge her thoughts. Like today.

Tara nodded quickly. "Being dead is..." Anything she was about to say sounded so cliche, so she said, "...I'm glad you're not. With everything...I-I'm just glad we're all okay."

For now was the unspoken addendum to that. And then Tara thought of Xander and her heart dropped.

"I'm worried, too. We...we can worry together?"

Two was always better than one.

Despite the way that Buffy treated death with a healthy sense of levity, the fact that Taxon could give people back, people she thought she'd lost forever-- it was one of the reasons she didn't hate the place as much as she probably would otherwise. Having Tara back was an amazing gift. So when she agreed with her, replying "Me too," she really did mean it.

Thinking about Xander made Buffy incredibly depressed, however. She felt his absence daily, but tried to ignore the feeling of loss for the most part, seeking distraction in other things. Training, idle tablet watching... then there was Kirk, too, though he was more than just a distraction.

And no matter what, there was always the worrying.

"'We can worry together'." She repeated, with a wry smile. "That's one hell of a rousing mission statement, if ever I heard one."

Likewise, Tara was grateful for that fact as well. Otherwise, she would have never gotten Willow back, never had a second chance. Taxon seemed to be like the concept of yin and yang manifested in a physical location: for every good thing it gave or did, there was always something bad to balance it out. Unfortunately, they all knew well enough by now that was the way of life in general, especially if you were a Scooby.

"It's..." Tara smiled wryly, "...we're good at it. I-I think it's one of the things we do best. Fight the monsters, worry about fighting the monsters, worry about other people, worry a-about other people fighting the monsters, worry about...about people leaving..."

That was a concern in Tara's mind. Much as she didn't want to think too much about Xander leaving, it worried her to think about how it easily and quickly it had happened, and how it could happen to anyone.

Buffy looked down for a moment, plunging her fingers into the sand, and then watching as the grains slipped through them. It seemed to be an oddly metaphorical and appropriate image.

"I don't think there's anything we can do about that last one," she replied, looking up at Tara again, her expression faintly morose. "Did Willow tell you she tried to bring Xander back? With a spell?"

That was the hard, painful truth, of course. Saying it out loud, worrying about it constantly, did nothing to alter that fact in any way. If a strange power in the universe could decide to randomly send someone here, it could just as easily, on a whim, take them away.

Tara's expression changed at that, and she shook her head. She just hoped that having this lull and relative peace for the moment would give her and Willow a chance to smooth things out, especially regarding the whole magic usage.

"I-I'm...I'm still worried. About that. We're...trying to work through it," Tara noted.

I think, was her unspoken remark.

The fact that Willow hadn't told Tara didn't exactly shock Buffy, though she was trying to give her best friend the benefit of the doubt where magic was concerned, to bear in mind that this Willow wasn't from the same world. It was good having Tara to share her concern with, at least.

"Yeah." She nodded, shifting to make herself slightly more comfortable. After a pause, she added ruefully. "She got mad at me, for not telling her. She might still be-- I don't know."

"We were...she was upset with me, too," Tara murmured, her eyes shifting with a twinge of sorrow and regret. She hadn't wanted to approach Willow about it like that, even if she'd accepted that the subject might have to be brought up eventually. Tara just wished...the entire incident had gone differently. But there was no use lamenting something she couldn't change now.

"I think...she'll be okay? We've all had a lot on our mind, and if she was upset, I-I'm sure she's...she'll work through it. We all will," Tara replied quietly, though with an air of confidence.

"Yeah." Buffy agreed, trying to absorb some of Tara's confidence. "I mean, we've had worse fights. Much worse. We always seem to get through those."

In an attempt to lighten the mood a little, she added, a bit more cheerfully. "I just hope this time doesn't involve us merging essences again-- I could really do without the first Slayer getting all knife-wieldy in my dreams. Plus the whole 'we are legion' vibe was kinda freaky."

Tara laughed softly, and nodded in earnest agreement. She hadn't even been quite as directly involved in that particular 'adventure' but was well aware of how bizarre and freaky it had been. And the first Slayer had chosen to appear as her, which was not very nice, Tara thought.

"Um, we could...we could scare off potential threats by being cr-creepy? I-if we made quilts or-or macaroni art for them, I mean. Spike could help, to...make it creepier."

Tara stuttered a little more as she said it because she was always a little more self-conscious when she was trying to be funny, never quite sure if something funny in her mind translated as funny to other people.

Oh, that certainly translated as funny to Buffy too, and she laughed appropriately, giving Tara an amused look.

"I like it. I'm always open to new methods for fighting the evil. Thinking outside the box." Fake noble reasons out of the way, she added, unashamedly. "Plus, you know, I would pay good green money to watch Spike do macaroni art."

...it'd certainly make her feel less awkward around him, at any rate.

"At least...they wouldn't be expecting it?" Tara mused aloud. She'd never had the issues with Spike that Buffy had, so she wasn't purposely avoiding him, but somehow she hadn't managed to bump into him yet in Taxon. Then again, it was getting more crowded in here than it had once been, and Tara wasn't actually the social butterfly of the year, even on a good day.

The other person Tara had been worrying about for quite some time, apart from Willow and Buffy, was Dawn. Little sister wasn't always much better than big sister when it came to divulging her feelings, so that made it harder to gauge just how the younger Summers sister was doing sometimes.

So, probing further, Tara queried, "How's Dawn? With Xander, a-and...everything?"

"Gotta love the element of surprise." Buffy agreed wryly, shifting her weight a little, to get more comfortable. Tara's question elicited a dejected sort of sigh, and a shake of the head. This was something frequently on her own mind, too.

"She's... okay, I think. Dealing. She misses him a lot, but she's trying her best. I think we all are. I've been... trying to spend as much time with her as possible, y'know, sisterly bonding activity stuff? But I know it's not the same... and I can't be around all the time-- there's Jim and-- well, Jim."

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009: [Location: Sunnydale Beach] We are all just trying to be holy

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