[location: summers house] & [very accidental visual] when it all falls down

[likeajoan.livejournal.com]

Even though a while has elapsed since Buffy led the attack against Fangtasia, she's still impressively beat up. Walking is less of a problem at least, and the bruises have started taking on that yellowish fading hue. The cuts are healing, though the deeper ones still persist.

Secondary to these physical pains, however, is the mental and emotional drain of worrying about the possible retaliation of the vampires. Worrying that they might hurt someone she loves, because of her own actions. Not to mention the new headache in the form of Drusilla, which is a special issue all its own.

What she really needs right now is the comforting reassurances of her best friend. The ridiculous banter, the stupid jokes, the hugs, the mockery, the warmth, the smiles... Xander. Except when she heads down to the basement, he's not there. She didn't hear him leave. She calls for him, she tries the kitchen, the lounge-- she gets her tablet and scans the map, checking to see if he's at the Bronze. But the Bronze isn't there anymore, and nor is he. He's not anywhere. His name and his dot are nowhere to be seen, and she checks and re-checks and tries calling him, but gets the equivalent of an 'incorrect number' message in response.

Numb, and through a misty haze, she half-stumbles her way to the porch, sits down on the step, buries her face in her hands and sobs, disconsolately.

Comments

[visual]

[glowingseer.livejournal.com]

Cordelia debates on whether or not to speak, when she saw the visual on the tablet.

Sometimes it's so easy to forget that Buffy is human. Sure, there's the insane superpower strength and the whole Slayer deal, all bundled up in this tiny person who manages to save the world as if it's the same and as normal as say, going to the store. Seeing her cry like this, makes Cordelia fear for the worst.

She clears her throat, and says, very softly... "Buffy?"

[visual]

[likeajoan.livejournal.com]

Buffy really hadn't meant to leave the tablet on-- she must've forgotten to shut it off whilst she was panicking, trying to contact Xander. Cordelia's voice makes her lift her face from her hands, her cheeks shiny with tears. She tries to stop crying and speak, and it comes out in a croaky whisper.

"Oh, hi, Cordelia. I'm sorry."

[visual]

[glowingseer.livejournal.com]

"What's wrong?" she asks, tone still soft but she's frowning now. "Did, did someone--"

Cordelia stops herself before saying 'die'. Instead, she repeats, "What's wrong?"

[visual]

[fudgingkillyou.livejournal.com]

Dean's still laid up in his own house, mostly because Mary said so, and while he's definitely getting better and can talk coherently, he's still supposed to be going easy on his ribs. So this is why he's coming from the tablet, and not heading straight to her house like he usually would.

"Buffy. C'mon, Buffy, answer me," Dean says, and he's as gentle as he can manage. The fact that he can't really raise his voice all that much without risking his ribs hurting him helps.

[visual]

[likeajoan.livejournal.com]

Despite how quiet Dean is, she hears him, and after a second in which she tries to control her breathing enough to hold back the sobs that just... refuse to keep coming, she manages to choke out, looking down at the tablet.

"Dean, it's Xander."

[fudgingkillyou.livejournal.com]

"What? What happened?" Dean demands, forgetting his injuries for the second and trying to sit up out of habit. His expression twists, but he doesn't make a noise, and he lays back again. When he speaks, it's a bit breathless.

"He's alright, isn't he?" Last time Dean had seen him, Xander had been alright, a bit bruised, but...

[location: the porch]

[tothelibrary.livejournal.com]

Through sister-dar-- or maybe just the sounds of crying-- Dawn shows up really really quickly.

"Buffy?" Her face rapidly upgrades from worried to panicked. "Buffy, what's wrong?"

[location: the porch]

[likeajoan.livejournal.com]

For a second Buffy contemplates trying to put on the big strong 'I'm okay' face, but it's far too late for that. Besides, she doesn't have the strength, and what she's about to say to Dawn is going to sap what little she does have. Making an effort to suppress the tears, she answers, quietly.

"Dawn... it's Xander. He-- he's gone."

[location: the porch]

[tothelibrary.livejournal.com]

Her knees suddenly giving out from underneath her, Dawn crashes to the porch next to Buffy, all her usual grace gone.

"But he's. Maybe Eric took him, or-- or... the aliens, or he--" she's crying now, too, slow tears building up steam. "He can't be. We need to look-- he can't be."

[visual]

[aregulargirl.livejournal.com]

Max doesn't know Buffy very well and hasn't even really talked to her - not since the incident with Gossip Girl, anyway. And she gets the need to cry sometimes, and if Buffy tells her to, she'll leave her alone. But she looks so upset that Max can't just ignore the transmission. (And she can't even see the injuries that well.)

"Buffy?" She feels a bit awkward, especially since they've only talked through the 'voice' function.

[visual]

[likeajoan.livejournal.com]

Buffy looks up at the tablet, her eyes are red-rimmed. There's a slight confused frown as she tries to match the face with the voice, and to get her tears in check. There's a bit of shame in the way she wipes at her face-- she didn't realize she was broadcasting to all of Taxon, and when she was breaking down, too.

"Oh uh, hi, sorry-- Max, right?"

[visual]

[aregulargirl.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," Max nods, feeling a little bad for interrupting Buffy, now. "Sorry, my tablet beeped and I usually check it when it does."

There's a bit of an awkward pause. "Are you...I mean, I know you don't know me, but do you need anything?"

[Location: Summers House]

[inked-wiccan.livejournal.com]

When Buffy's sobbing reaches Willow's ears, she stops working on the finishing touches for the spell to regenerate Xander's eye and stands, crossing over to her tablet. She watches Buffy weep for a solid five seconds before she drops the tablet, doesn't bother with a coat, and leaves the apartment.

She runs through the city as fast as her legs can carry her, chest burning at overexerting herself. She nearly stumbles when she reaches Buffy's yard and she stops at the end of the sidewalk. Willow feels the sympathetic urge to cry when she sees that Buffy's still crying.

Willow makes her way up the walk, to sit down beside Buffy and wrap her arms around the blond's shoulders, hugging her tightly. Very little can make Buffy cry this much or this hard. Willow just knows it's bad.

[Location: Summers House]

[likeajoan.livejournal.com]

Buffy doesn't even hear Willow approach, but her relief to see her best friend when she does look up is huge. She almost collapses into that hug, sobbing. "Oh, Will..."

She doesn't want to have to tell Willow this.

[Location: Summers House]

[inked-wiccan.livejournal.com]

Willow feels her throat tighten up on her when Buffy falls against her. She tightens her arms on the blond, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. As much as she tries to stop herself from tearing up, a few slip down her cheek.

"What's wrong, Buffy?" Willow asked softly, afraid of what could possibly be so wrong to have her best friend, one of the strongest people she knows, break down like this.

[ visual ]

[undoing.livejournal.com]

Though Angel told himself previously that outside of assisting with the Fangtasia incident (thankfully, he'd healed from his own wounds thanks to handy-dandy vampire healing), which was at Buffy's own request, he'd stay out of matters to the best of his ability. However, as he's fiddling with the tablet, he comes across this particular visual view of hers and if there's anything Angel can't stand, it's seeing Buffy upset.

"Buffy?"

Hopefully the visual or at least voice was working on his end. He wasn't sure how to do that and given his history with technology, he was probably talking to dead air.

[ visual ]

[likeajoan.livejournal.com]

Next time Buffy has a complete breakdown she'll take pains to do it less publicly- though seeing Angel when she was this upset wasn't the most unwelcome thing ever. It was reassuring to know he was still there, at least.

She glanced sideways at the tablet, making an effort to check her tears that wasn't particularly successful. "Angel, it's Xander. He-- he's gone."

[ visual ]

[tiberiuskirk.livejournal.com]

Being that Kirk saw firsthand what the Fangtasia battle had done to Buffy, the sight of her injuries didn't shock him. The tears, however, did. And for a long moment, he sat there at the desk in his ready room, staring dumbly at the tablet, debating on whether or not he should leave her be or ask what was wrong. Concern eventually won out in the end.

"Buffy, what's wrong?"

[ visual ]

[likeajoan.livejournal.com]

Maybe, at some other time, Buffy might have taken Xander's disappearance marginally better. Emphasis on the marginally. However, considering how vulnerable she was feeling at the moment because of everything going on, it only seemed to compound her feelings of despair. She didn't usually cry like this- she felt almost ashamed that Kirk had to see it-- weak.

"Jim, I-" She began, struggling to keep her voice from shaking and to still the sobs that kept rising up from some seemingly infinite source. "-Xander's gone. I don't... I don't know where."

[location: Summer's home]

[erudite-watcher.livejournal.com]

Giles is about to make himself a cup of tea when he hears the sobbing. He knows that sound; though he hasn't heard it often each time is an indelible memory, and none of them good.

"Buffy?" He makes his way towards the sound, hovering in the open doorway for a moment when he sees her. Broken. She looks so broken, and even without knowing what's happened he's filled with pain and dread.

Silently he moves towards her and sits on the step, one hand hesitantly reaching out to touch her shoulder.

[location: Summer's home]

[likeajoan.livejournal.com]

Having Giles beside her fills her with a relief she can't exactly put into words. It sort of combines with the pain and perversely intensifies her crying for a moment, as she leans blindly into his touch, through all the tears.

"Oh, Giles..."

[Location: Summers House]

[lessritual.livejournal.com]

Spike doesn't reply with his tablet, he just heads over to the house. He's rather impressively beat up still, as well, although it shows less on him than Buffy.

Since that showed up on all the tablets, he imagines that Buffy will have plenty of people willing to give her a pat on the back and a hug. But he'll be there when they finally wander off, if she needs him.

He hops off the tram and approaches the house cautiously, wondering if she'll still be on the porch.

[Location: Summers House]

[likeajoan.livejournal.com]

Spike is indeed correct in his supposition about the many hugs and pats on the back. Buffy's feeling better now as a consequence, marginally-- by no means anywhere approaching 'good' or even 'normal', but at least she's not crying anymore.

She is, however, still on the porch, because when she's upset that's just what she does. She's absorbed in staring at nothing in particular at the moment though, so she doesn't notice Spike approaching.

[visual] [I can haz backtag? I is sorry.]

[an-ex-watcher.livejournal.com]

Wesley knows he's probably not the person Buffy wants to see right now, but it doesn't feel right not saying something.

"Buffy? Are you all right?" he asks tentatively.

[visual] that's cooooool!

[likeajoan.livejournal.com]

The sound of Wesley's voice prompts Buffy to look up at the tablet, hastily trying to wipe the tears from her face, though it's obviously far too late to conceal the fact that she's upset.

"Not so much." She replies, with an effort, considering all she wants to do is curl up in a ball and weep by herself.