taxonomites | [holo] they are cute for science

Midday in Taxon, there is a special arrival.

Two very exceptionally large hamsters stand on the platform of the Sanctuary's arrival room. One, pale caramel with white underbelly and gray stripes, takes immediately to unconsciously preening itself before squeaking out triumphantly, "Oh! It worked!"

The other, white with exceptionally long white fur about its head to go with its exceptional height, claps its little forepaws together and smiles a bright hamster smile. "It did! Fully synced?" There's a moment of hesitation before it realizes that, yes, it did just think and speak at the same time. Then, with a squeak to go with its fellow's, "...Fully synced!"

"Oh! Oh, yes," says the first as it approaches the tablet, ready for its big moment, "Hello citizens! Hellooo!" It waves cheerily as it speaks, "So wonderful to see you!"

"Yes! Wonderful!" The other follows the first, with a happy shake of its long fur.

"Bad circumstances..."

The second agrees, looking down with its little hamster head sadly, "Oh, yes, very bad."

"...But your endeavors are very heartening to us!"

"Full of pathos. We learned that word from you! It's so very adequate. Pathos. Should use it more often, we like it!"

"We do, we do!" And now they've both perked up, settling nicely into cheery condescension while fidgeting politely with their forepaws.

"Now, now, Doctor Doctor! Mister Doctor! The Doctor. We've got words for you!" says the second, pointing a paw forward with a weird kind of hamster smile.

"Many words!" The first seems particularly perky about this. It's very weird. "You were very troublesome, sir."

"Indeed, terrible misbehavior."

"Truly terrible."

"We'll not have that kind of thing again, sir. Nope, no not, again. So much paperwork! Forms and forms just to fix what you broke. That's not very nice."

"Not nice at all! Give you such lovely things and you go and break it," the first says, putting forepaws decidedly on wherever hamster hips are located on a giant hamster body in the universal pose of displeasure. Still sounds happy, though.

"Must've been a bad child, weren't you?"

"Now you can't have any radiation," the first says, paws still on hips with a sad shake of its head.

"Good toys go to good children," says the second, adopting a similar head shake, "and you've been very bad."

"No radiation for anyone!" There's a tiny little fist-pump (or what passes as a close approximation for a giant hamster with no fists) from the first at that proclamation. "And restrictions!"

"Hate to punish, we do, we do, but it's for the best."

The first is back to fidgeting now, forepaws in front and occasionally jumping up to preen at its whiskers, "Only the best!"

"Bad apple could spoil the bunch, couldn't it?" The second claps once then looks to the first for confirmation and they nod together before turning back. "We must be sure to keep everything tidy."

"Don't like to take you away, either, but we will if we have to."

"Oh yes we will!"

"Terrible shame," the first says with an unsettling amount of hamster cheer, "all of it."

"But life goes on!"

"It does!"

"Splendidly!"

"Oh," the first turns excitedly to the second, "did you see the BOOM! And the bit with the motorcycle and all the hurrying and the hugs? Getting together like those coggy things in their little clockworks?"

"I DID," responds the second just as excitedly, with an added little squeak of delight. "Quite liked all the smashing and scary, too. Very beautiful, couldn't ask for anything more riveting! Everyone getting along together so well!"

"Do hope to see more of that!"

"Yes! Much more!"

With that, the both of them turn back to the tablet, nodding their agreement to the citizens. Hear that? They want more!

"But within reason, people," the first clarifies.

"Question time now! Can't wait to hear from you!" The second appears almost giddy, bouncing lightly on its hind-paws as it addresses the city. "You're such wonderful personalities, aren't you? Do hurry, can't stay long!"

The first pipes up with a squeak, "Limited time offer!"

---

A short time later, when all their little conversations are not quite done, but as finished as they'll ever possibly get considering, they wave a little sadly at the tablet.

The second pipes up with a squeaky hamster sigh and shake of its long fur, "Hate to leave!"

"Oh," the first agrees, sounding happy but tired from all the excitement of talking to the citizens they've watched for so long, "we do! But we must!"

"Toodles!"

With the tiniest little shiver in the holo display, the two of them disappear from the arrival chamber, still waving to the citizens.

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Again, even as the first finds composure again and straightens up, they roll their eyes.

"Like I said, you silly man," starts the second.

"You don't know a thing about a thing," finishes the first.

"You don't know the pain you've caused," the Doctor says. "The things I've done here don't hold a candle to what you've done by kidnapping these people."

He points to the screen. "You have the ability. No one here's harmed you. Whatever information you're looking for, I'll help you find it. But don't keep them here. Send everyone home."

Edited 2010-03-21 07:35 (UTC)

"They are home, you nincompoop!"

The second giggles at the word and the Doctor's impassioned please both equally. Today is the best day ever.

"You don't listen much, do you?"

The Doctor doesn't get what they're saying. They don't seem to understand him, and that's so utterly frustrating.

"You stole them from their homes! My home? My TARDIS? She'll die without me!"

"Oh, pffft! You're stupider than you look, you know."

The second turns and nods in agreement. "Must not have payed much attention to his lessons, I suppose."

And cue the Doctor's temper finally snapping.

"I've been paying attention! I've written down every single piece of information I've found about this place. I've calculated the characteristics and homes of every person here. I haven't missed anything! And the people here want to go home!"

He's only met with more giggling.

With a squeak, the first says, "And you're still wrong!"

"Fancy that," says the second.

"So tell me!" the Doctor snaps. "If you're going to keep me trapped here, the least you can do is tell me why!"

"Guess," shouts the second.

"Oh, oh, no no no. Can't do that, no sir. We'll be here forever if he tries."

The second squeaks and then giggles again. "And a day!"

There's no livid quite like the livid the Doctor is right now. He all but howls at the tablet.

"You're telling me what a bad boy I've been, and all I've done is try to get your attention! To get the people trapped here free! We deserve that!"

He takes a breath and tries to calm down. "Keep me. Let them go. It's only me and the TARDIS out there. They have families. If you need someone to experiment on, just keep me."

Edited 2010-03-21 08:03 (UTC)

"Hush now, you'll bust a vein somewhere!"

The first finds the prospect of him busting a vein anywhere from the sheer level of his anger absolutely hilarious and dissolves into giggles again.

"Really," says the second, patting its fellow in the back as it squeaks between laughs, "that's very sweet but quite impossible."

The Doctor hates their laughter. He hates how they're mocking the pain of the people here.

"Why?" He demands. "Why is it impossible? You brought us here! Send us home!"

Well, he's only going to get more of it.

"See what we said? Perspective!"

The second nods. "You really ought to stop assuming. It makes an ass out of you and me."

It barely makes it through the joke before they're both doubled over again in giggles.

"What perspective? I'm one of the people actually trapped here!" He finds himself shouting at the little creatures. "I think I've got a better perspective on this situation than you do!"

"Exactly!" The first perks up at that even past all the giggles.

"Your perspective is biased."

"And wrong!"

"Oh, yes, very wrong."

"This isn't a game," he says. "This isn't a joke! We're trapped here. Some of us could die here. Or our worlds will be devastated without us. You know this!"

"Oh, poppycock," scoffs the second. "We'll make it better if you die, silly. Why do you all think we wouldn't?"

"It's very insulting," agrees the first.

"You ought to calm down a bit and relax."

And for now, the conversation is over, at least as far as the hamsters are concerned. They must get back, compile data and write reports. The Doctor, sometime later, will find a nice package of jelly beans in his cell where there wasn't a bag there before. Because nothing says relaxation like randomly appearing candies.

"Being trapped is worse than death!" the Doctor shouts. He will continue to be shouty and angry at the hamsters for the better part of the next day, until either his tablet stops working or their image gets fuzzy/goes out/blocks him.

He'll absolutely nom on the jelly beans, though.

[holo] they are cute for science

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