[holo] they are cute for science

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

Midday in Taxon, there is a special arrival.

Two very exceptionally large hamsters stand on the platform of the Sanctuary's arrival room. One, pale caramel with white underbelly and gray stripes, takes immediately to unconsciously preening itself before squeaking out triumphantly, "Oh! It worked!"

The other, white with exceptionally long white fur about its head to go with its exceptional height, claps its little forepaws together and smiles a bright hamster smile. "It did! Fully synced?" There's a moment of hesitation before it realizes that, yes, it did just think and speak at the same time. Then, with a squeak to go with its fellow's, "...Fully synced!"

"Oh! Oh, yes," says the first as it approaches the tablet, ready for its big moment, "Hello citizens! Hellooo!" It waves cheerily as it speaks, "So wonderful to see you!"

"Yes! Wonderful!" The other follows the first, with a happy shake of its long fur.



"Bad circumstances..."

The second agrees, looking down with its little hamster head sadly, "Oh, yes, very bad."

"...But your endeavors are very heartening to us!"

"Full of pathos. We learned that word from you! It's so very adequate. Pathos. Should use it more often, we like it!"

"We do, we do!" And now they've both perked up, settling nicely into cheery condescension while fidgeting politely with their forepaws.

"Now, now, Doctor Doctor! Mister Doctor! The Doctor. We've got words for you!" says the second, pointing a paw forward with a weird kind of hamster smile.

"Many words!" The first seems particularly perky about this. It's very weird. "You were very troublesome, sir."

"Indeed, terrible misbehavior."

"Truly terrible."

"We'll not have that kind of thing again, sir. Nope, no not, again. So much paperwork! Forms and forms just to fix what you broke. That's not very nice."

"Not nice at all! Give you such lovely things and you go and break it," the first says, putting forepaws decidedly on wherever hamster hips are located on a giant hamster body in the universal pose of displeasure. Still sounds happy, though.

"Must've been a bad child, weren't you?"

"Now you can't have any radiation," the first says, paws still on hips with a sad shake of its head.

"Good toys go to good children," says the second, adopting a similar head shake, "and you've been very bad."

"No radiation for anyone!" There's a tiny little fist-pump (or what passes as a close approximation for a giant hamster with no fists) from the first at that proclamation. "And restrictions!"

"Hate to punish, we do, we do, but it's for the best."

The first is back to fidgeting now, forepaws in front and occasionally jumping up to preen at its whiskers, "Only the best!"

"Bad apple could spoil the bunch, couldn't it?" The second claps once then looks to the first for confirmation and they nod together before turning back. "We must be sure to keep everything tidy."

"Don't like to take you away, either, but we will if we have to."

"Oh yes we will!"

"Terrible shame," the first says with an unsettling amount of hamster cheer, "all of it."

"But life goes on!"

"It does!"

"Splendidly!"

"Oh," the first turns excitedly to the second, "did you see the BOOM! And the bit with the motorcycle and all the hurrying and the hugs? Getting together like those coggy things in their little clockworks?"

"I DID," responds the second just as excitedly, with an added little squeak of delight. "Quite liked all the smashing and scary, too. Very beautiful, couldn't ask for anything more riveting! Everyone getting along together so well!"

"Do hope to see more of that!"

"Yes! Much more!"

With that, the both of them turn back to the tablet, nodding their agreement to the citizens. Hear that? They want more!

"But within reason, people," the first clarifies.

"Question time now! Can't wait to hear from you!" The second appears almost giddy, bouncing lightly on its hind-paws as it addresses the city. "You're such wonderful personalities, aren't you? Do hurry, can't stay long!"

The first pipes up with a squeak, "Limited time offer!"

---

A short time later, when all their little conversations are not quite done, but as finished as they'll ever possibly get considering, they wave a little sadly at the tablet.

The second pipes up with a squeaky hamster sigh and shake of its long fur, "Hate to leave!"

"Oh," the first agrees, sounding happy but tired from all the excitement of talking to the citizens they've watched for so long, "we do! But we must!"

"Toodles!"

With the tiniest little shiver in the holo display, the two of them disappear from the arrival chamber, still waving to the citizens.

Comments

[ visual ]

[cailisairgid]

Sol, in the process of unpacking some of the files from his office in the greenhouse into his new office in the ...treehouse, stares at the tablet with a blank look those most familiar with him might recognize as his version of 'startled'.

"Am I stoned?" he asks, of no one in particular.

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

"Oh, goodness no!" The second seems almost offended. As much as a hamster can look offended.

The first, though, just squeaks and smiles as much as a hamster can smile and says, "Would you like to be?"

[ visual ]

[hercandleguides.livejournal.com]

...oh, dear God. This absolutely convinces Leila that these aliens, or whatever they are, have really bizarre senses of humor.

"Uh--" How does one converse with these. She's decided she's absolutely got to (maybe she can glean some real, useful information out of it, if she's tenacious!) ask, but she is indeed taken aback. "Hello. Restrictions, you said?"

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

She should see the fanfic. (No, really, she shouldn't.)

"Yes," says the first. "Can't stand for that kind of disruption, nope. It isn't very nice."

The second nods. "Not at all! D'you know how many forms we had to file?"

[voice]

[oneofthequick.livejournal.com]

Hello, I have two questions and a request. I understand if you cannot answer all or any of them, but appreciate whatever effort you make.

First, why are we here?

Second, why is this place based on Earth?

And finally, I would appreciate it if you could provide some animals from my world or more wildlife in general.

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

There is another round of hamster giggling.

"First!" The first takes it on. "'Cause we said so," it says, followed by a squeak and more giggling-type noises.

"Second," says the second seriously with a shake of its long fur, "'cause it was good reference. And we liked it. And we said so!"

There's more giggling (why? nobody knows) before they manage to calm themselves.

"What kind," asks the first, "of animals? And how many? And what'll you do for them?"

It should be mentioned that the last is said with a very distinct air of serious mischievousness, should those listening be able to hear that in hamster voices.

[voice]

[knightflown.livejournal.com]

Um... so what about being sent home?

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

The first sighs a squeaky sigh as the second rolls its eyes.

"Don't listen, do you?"

In a few minutes, possibly after all the transmissions are ended and over, Dick will find a 500 economy container of Q-tips in the middle of his bed. He's very welcome, ahead of time.

[visual]

[faderbroderson]

For all of Godric's dislike of their alien overlords, and despite the influence of a certain butter knife, he simply can't find the energy to be angry with giant hamsters who are scolding the Doctor. No, instead he has to take a few moments to just stare incredulously at his tablet. If he were prone to it, he would rub his temples. As it is, he has questions, so this time he's going to endeavor to be polite.

"What sort of restrictions?" He has a list a mile long, but it's a good place to start.

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

"Well," starts the second, "you must take turns."

The first nods in agreement. "One at a time, in a nice and orderly fashion."

"Can't have it all going up with BOOM again now can we? Not that much boom."

"Nope, not at all. We've had quite enough of that paperwork, Mister Godric, and we'd like to not have it again."

[ voice ]

[dieneidio]

What was that about my bike?

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

"Oh! OH! It's her," the first exclaims happily to the second. "Told you she'd say hello at us!"

The second just squeaks and hops a little in place. "She did! Hello! The bike was very nice, you did quite well."

[visual]

[aintnoconvict]

...great giggling Glinda they were being held captive by rodents. Eventually, Glitch would find this hilarious but for now he was deathly serious. So very intensely serious that the only recourse is to deploy an Ambrose-esque srs bzns icon.

"I would like to request the return of the rest of my brain. On on a permanent basis this time, thank you."

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

"Oh goodness, no," says the second with a sudden air of seriousness.

"Sorry, though!" The first, however, is still happy. "Terrible shame about what happened. All that bonking on the head."

"Indeed, some cried!"

"They did! PATHOS! You're very inspirational, you know."

[visual]

[sibreden.livejournal.com]

Mordred stares at them. He can't blame this one on sleep deprivation, and anything he consented to drink on Wednesday should surely have worn off by now. "....what in God's name."

Hey, it's a question! Sort of.

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

"Hello," says the first cheerily. "The 'what' is 'us,'" is the completely unhelpful answer to the question-non-question.

The second, though, considers it for a moment. "Don't know God's name. Haven't met It."

[visual]

[antisaint.livejournal.com]

John is trying to relearn how to contend with basically his ...entire life without a cigarette accompanying it. As such, he is currently sitting on his fire escape, perhaps to learn how to sit on fire escapes without a cigarette. And now, he's just accidentally learned A) how not to drop his tablet from the fire escape without a cigarette, and B) how to be assaulted by giant goddamn hamsters.

Without a cigarette.

"....oh, fuck me."

Dear sir: That's not a question.

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

There's a long moment of silence while the two look at each other.

"No, thank you," says the first.

"Maybe next time?" says the second.

[meanwhileback.livejournal.com]

Penelope, with her newly-realized ability to speak without wanting to pass out and never ever wake up again, has not yet had the ability to utilize this ability.

"...I'm sorry, what the actual fuck?"

And she still hasn't!

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

"Hello hello, Miss Penny," says the second with a little wave.

"Are you feeling much better?"

"Get hugs?"

"Hugs not drugs? Or a combo?"

They are very inquisitive, forgive them.

[Visual]

[magicalskeptic.livejournal.com]

Morgana's first response is to suspect the master of the house of mixing up the ingredients for her disgusting beverage, leaving her somewhat feverish, and mentally out of sorts.

But the other conversations convince her otherwise.

All right, not entirely but even if there's a slim chance to negotiate with them, Morgana's going to take it. If the negotiations go well enough, the subject of them would be incapable of yelling at her for it.

And if she is hallucinating, then it does not matter what she says.

"If we have been so," she can't use the word entertaining, though she feels it would be the right one, for fear of offending them, "informative, then would you consider rewarding us, if requested?"

[holo]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

The two wave and squeak happily as they consider her question.

"But, we did," offers the first.

"Took away the bad, fixed everything up shiny and new, keep the trams running on time. It's all very complex work, you know."

[visual]

[rude-not-ginger.livejournal.com]

And the Doctor pulls up his tablet, looking at first terribly excited, then vaguely disappointed. Hamsters? Really, now? Well, he's not going to complain!

"Seems I've finally got your attention, then?" he demands, straightening up.

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

The two of them roll their eyes in unison.

"Horrible child," the second says, shaking long fur in disappointment.

"This is incredibly bad behavior, you know," says the first with a squeak. "Causing all manner of trouble just for attention."

"Besides, we were due a test run."

[voice]

[beholdthedrums.livejournal.com]

He was a very bad child, yes. [the Master sounds amused, despite his initial... shock]

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

"It's really quite unbelievable," says the first.

"And you," says the second with a fore-paw point, "are no better."

The first nods in agreement, then changes its mind mid-way and looks to the second. "Well, there was no BOOM with his, was there?"

"Oh, no, I suppose. Not particularly. So, less boom but still quite atrocious."

[voice]

[levilup.livejournal.com]

Oh, you cannot be serious. If we are being held captive here by hamsters, I will scream.

Here's a question. Did you quite enjoy turning me into a human for three days? I'd really love to lodge a complaint about these-- "glitches".

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

The second gives the best it can in a Look for Levi. "Hush, you. D'you honestly think we're hamsters?"

"Not very bright, is he?"

"Apparently."

The first, then, fusses with its whiskers as it considers his question. "Could've been better, yes. Maybe next time with something different?"

[ voice ]

[notsawbones.livejournal.com]

... You've gotta be kidding me.

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

"Ooooooh," squeaks the first, "it's BONES!"

The second grins and claps its forepaws. "Hello! You look very good in blue, you know."

[ visual ]

[tiberiuskirk.livejournal.com]

All the captain can do at first is stare. He's seen a lot of things in his time-- and he means that in a when he's from sense and less in relation to his age-- but this is stretching it a bit, even for him. And this is coming from someone who had several classes with Caitian (http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20051124061813/memoryalpha/en/images/7/7d/Caitian-brown.jpg) cadets.

"You say we're such wonderful personalities, yet you seem so keen on changing them. Is there a point to that or is it purely for entertainment value?"

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

The two hamsters appear to cast each other conspiratorial glances of amusement before they answer.

"Variety is the spice of life, Captain!"

The first giggles, nodding. "Oh yes, terribly important, you know, variety."

"Wouldn't want things to be dull, heavens no!"

[ voice ]

[sirachi.livejournal.com]

What sort of nonsense is this?

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

"Nonsense?" The first hamster asks, looking faintly offended.

"This isn't nonsense, no," squeaks the second. "This is Very Important Business."

[tothelightshown.livejournal.com]

For a moment, DG simply stared in mute astonishment at the hamsters on the screen. She'd expected their captors to be a little more malevolent, although there was something decidedly eerie about their cheerfulness. They chattered about restrictions and paperwork and personalities, and made it very difficult for her to decide which question to ask first.

"So you're the ones that brought us here?" she asked. The fact that they were giant rodents was a good enough reason to ask for clarification, in her opinion. "And the ones who messed around with my friend's head?"

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

"Well we do love a good tinker." The first hamster replies, looking positively pleased with itself.

"And we did bring you here. So happy to see so many shining little faces! Is 'bring' the right word?" The second chimes in, apparently perplexed.

"Not quite, not quite at all, but it'll do."

[Voice]

[a-pretty-fire.livejournal.com]

You caged us?

You should wear a mask like that. It's rude.

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

"What mask?" The hamsters commence patting each others' faces, as if to check.

"No masks here. Did we miss Halloween?"

"Of course not, silly!" The first admonishes the second, lightly. "Remember all the little ghosties?"

"Oh yes! Very effective. BOO!" And then there is giggling, from both of them.

[visual]

[supercompacted.livejournal.com]

Fred has been watching the rest of this go on, so she doesn't really have much in the way of questions- strike that, much in the way of important questions that they'll answer at this point. So this is pretty much extraneous, but she has to say something.

"Well, I personally think you're adorable, but that might just be because I used to have hamsters myself." She smiles a little. This is a bit of an act, as she did hear what they said about Angelus. "Nicely ironic, too. You're both not usually like that?"

[ holo ]

[taxcollectors.livejournal.com]

The two of them squeak and wave merrily.

"We do think we're quite handsome," says the first, preening its whiskers.

"Glad to know you agree!" The second forgoes preening to simply shake its long fur happily with a certain air of drama and sass. Who knew hamsters could shake their fur with sass?

"And," pipes up the first again, "I am much less fat!"