taxonomites | IV. [visual]

Hercules is planning to merely speak about how he is adjusting well to his new environment. He smiles to his tablet, opens his mouth, and proceeds to sing.

"Whenever life gets you down...
Keeps you wearing a frown...
And the gravy train has left you behind
And when you're all out of hope...
Down at the end of your rope...
And nobody is there to thrown you a line
If you ever get so low
That you don't know which way to go,
Come on and take a walk in my shoes
Never worry about a thing
Got the world on a string
˜Cause I got the cure for all of my blues...

I take a look at my enormous penis
And my troubles start melting away
I take a look at my enormous penis
And the happy times are coming to stay
I gotta sing and I dance
When I glance in my pants
And the feelings like a sunshiny day...
I take a look at my enormous penis
And everything is going my way"

There is a brief interlude while Herc whistles the tune.

"I take a look at my enormous penis
And my troubles start a melting away

Yeah I got great big amounts
In the place where it counts
And the feelings like a sunshiny day
I take a look at my enormous penis
And everything is going my way
And everything is going my way
Oh Yeah..."

Herc blinks at the tablet. And then proceeds to just laugh and give a thumbs-up.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh ew. Ew. Jeez, TMI much?

I apologize if I hath offended your delicate sensibilities. The song was not quite under my control.

I know. It's just... couldn't the aliens give you something else to sing about?

May I ask why you are so offended?

...which part of TMI don't you get?

...art thou a woman of Sappho?

Sa-what?

Women who dost prefer innies to outies.

...I do not normally use such terms, but I do not wish to offend thy sensibilities again.

[ she is just... stunned speechless. Congrats, Herc. You just succeeded at something only very few people have ever done. ]

...Was my question still unclear?

He's your type, Cordelia, darling, what's the problem?

What do you mean he's my type? Where did you get that idea?

You admitted to liking them big and dumb.

Well yeah but that's... that's different.

[ she will just. flail here. ]

Look, I'd hit on him, but he strikes me as a straight guy and I don't hit on straight guys who'd be inclined to hit me back.

With their fists.

So he's all yours!

Hello, taken here! I mean, okay so Hercules here is kinda cute, and with a big-- [ pauuuuse. ]

But yeah! Boyfriend!

Ha, you saw him whip it out, did you? Damn nice, huh?

Don't keep you from looking, darling.

No, I most certainly did not! Perv.

I reckon we've established that already.

Ask him, he'll totally do it again.

What? Why should I ask him?

Oh please, I bet anything you were the girl who peeked through your fingers when a streaker ran across the high school football game.

You wanna see it. Be honest.

Excuse me, I actually cheered when a guy-- [ wait, what were they talking about? ]

No! If you wanna see it, you ask him.

I already got to see it, darling, and I gotta say, he's entitled to his bragging rights.

If you don't ask, you'll always regret it.

I think I can go without, thanks.

Your loss!

IV. [visual]

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