taxonomites | IV. [visual]

Hercules is planning to merely speak about how he is adjusting well to his new environment. He smiles to his tablet, opens his mouth, and proceeds to sing.

"Whenever life gets you down...
Keeps you wearing a frown...
And the gravy train has left you behind
And when you're all out of hope...
Down at the end of your rope...
And nobody is there to thrown you a line
If you ever get so low
That you don't know which way to go,
Come on and take a walk in my shoes
Never worry about a thing
Got the world on a string
˜Cause I got the cure for all of my blues...

I take a look at my enormous penis
And my troubles start melting away
I take a look at my enormous penis
And the happy times are coming to stay
I gotta sing and I dance
When I glance in my pants
And the feelings like a sunshiny day...
I take a look at my enormous penis
And everything is going my way"

There is a brief interlude while Herc whistles the tune.

"I take a look at my enormous penis
And my troubles start a melting away

Yeah I got great big amounts
In the place where it counts
And the feelings like a sunshiny day
I take a look at my enormous penis
And everything is going my way
And everything is going my way
Oh Yeah..."

Herc blinks at the tablet. And then proceeds to just laugh and give a thumbs-up.

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Harvestman gives him one last clap, still laughing. "If I had a scorecard, I'd give you an eleven."

Hercules smirks. "That is not the first time I've done that."

"Oh, I believe you, big boy." Believing that Herc is probably straight is not going to keep Harvestman from flirting with him.

"...didst you just call me big boy?" Herc replies, looking suddenly a little perplexed.

"Is that a problem? You were just talking about the size of your penis, you know."

There is a pause, then Hercules smirks.

"I shall tell you what I told Alexander the Great. 'Your plight is both flattering and understandable. However... tis not happening'."

Harvestman raises an eyebrow. "Alexander the Great, huh? You really turned that down?"

"Not my type," Herc says with a shrug. "Tis simple like the stars in the sky."

Harvestman whistles. "You're missing out on half the population, man.

Herc chuckles. "Why settle for a man who could never be my equal, when I can be a god to many women who provide that which I cannot compare to?"

"That's... an interesting way to look at getting laid." Excuse him while he boggles for a bit.

"...plus I dost like bosoms," Herc adds.

"They are pretty damn great, I gotta agree." Well, at least they still have something to talk about?

"A-ha!" Hercules says. "So you are one who is... equal opportunity?"

"Hey, it doubles your chances, and it's pretty damn fun." Harvestman shrugs. "But only if you're into that. I swing both ways and it works out to my advantage."

"I do not begrudge your manner," Hercules says. "It is merely not my way."

"You've established that already," Harvestman remarks dryly. "It don't keep me from looking."

"And I would hardly stop thee, either," Herc says. "I just wished to make my stance clear."

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